Sunday, February 18, 2007

Heartfelt - Day 4

Today was busy, with church in the morning (it's a Sunday after all) and then a mini party at my grandparents' place with all the choir members, then visiting my mom's side's relatives.

The last person we visited was my maternal grandmother (I call her porh-porh). It was quite sad..she couldn't recognise us very much due to poor eyesight and a stroke. She mistook me for my mom (which most people do) and seemed to refuse to let me go at the end of the visit..I felt..no, it wasn't pity, but just sadness, because my childhood memories of her was a lady who didn't know much except for how to love us - which was more than enough. She often cooked meals when we went over, insisting that we ate (even though we already did) and..well, she was just..really, really nice.

And seeing her so weak now just..makes me feel so..like, omg, i wanna cry, you know? I think using the word "sad" here is totally an understatement. T.T

What made it worse was that I didn't understand much Hokkien - well, I understood most, but she mumbled (lost her teeth) and some of the more advanced Hokkien I didn't understand. I understood that she wanted me to study really really hard (I swear I will do my best, porh-porh..) before I go to work, so that I will not waste my childhood.

And while her dinner smelt good, she didn't like it ("muay ngiam ngiam gai" - porridge too sticky). It was difficult for her to eat, having to stop every few minutes to wipe at her mouth. *sighs*

It's time like this I wish I had someone to lean on, because..wow..it just rocked me to the core to see people so helpless and that I can't help.

At the same time, it's crystal clear that my eye candy will never..feel the same way I do about him, so what's the use?

DotA time...bb~

friends:) Ren Lipz K.C. Team BuL7et Nanaca-Crash