Monday, March 19, 2007

???? Randomness ????

What a way to start Monday! =D

Eye Candy #1 smsed me in the morning, waking me up in the process. w00tz. =DDD

Can't remember the last time I posted, probably on a Friday. Can't remember anything except how to play TC4 and how to work.

I just feeling so melancholic. Can't believe that my bosses thought that way of me. Haix. I will not record here coz I just want to forget it.

But I can't get rid of the feeling I got. So defeated, so humiliated. I =X nothing to say le. I just..can't accept it, can't believe it. And worst of all, I still have to work..and that he jumped to conclusions. I wanted to yell at him 'OMG WTFH were you thinking? Why would I lie about such a FARKING TRIVIAL THING?' ((not that being tired was trivial, thanks for pointing that out to me, Ruzhi))

I think it totally affected my TC4 the past few days - work and what happened at work. Seeing such low scores since I got 7m really disheartened me.

No, Sifu, I swore (and broke oath) that I would never cry in front of a guy again. At least, not physically. I don't wanna stun you yeah.

Sigh. Is it because I act so boyish? That my close guy friends all dunno how to comfort me/take it when I cry? Or even threaten to spill tears?

And asking me to be more..girlish, even to ACT something that I can't be, I won't be and I'm not gonna be..is just futile! I can't be that way, even though you might want me to (seeing as to how many times you've actually said 'If you want us to stop teasing you (since when was there an 'us'?!) then you should act more like a girl'.

Sometimes, I get scared to being more like a girl. To reveal the girly side of me is to bring out the darkest parts of me. The girl-me is spiteful, cat-claws and all. Not to mention the girl-me is totally clueless about make-up (and dress-up, but that's mostly due to the boy-me).

And hey, I like being a hermaprodite..person. Ying and Yang. Duality of Nature (omg haven't quoted that in a long while XD) etc etc. I like having 2 mindsets at the same time. Gives me headaches and less time to dwell upon sadder things.

Sifu, next time..just take your anger out, even on me is okay de..okie..It's no use trying to keep it in..You know the drawings I do? Is my way of expressing feelings, because some people say sometimes I so expressionless that I sound like I'm apathetic to their plight (oh woe is them, I say without any trace of feeling whatsoever) etc etc. But I also human, and I your tudi and more importantly, your friend. I'm there for you.

friends:) Ren Lipz K.C. Team BuL7et Nanaca-Crash