[Passion is what makes a person better] [With all your heart]

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"We sail within a vast sphere, ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end."
-Blaise Pascal

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Dreamland

And suddenly he appeared, out of the shadows, out of the gloom.

Initially, I did not notice him, because I was too busy drumming my fingers on the table (to the annoyance of the rest of my family members) while we were waiting for food at the hotel's lobby.

"Archer?" Till now, there is only one guy who remembers my old name, my hidden name.

No...it can't be...it can't be! - I turned around in my seat and looked up.

His name died on my lips. I was breathing so hard, I stood up and backed promptly into the table, stumbling over it.

No!

Smiling at me, he took my hand and sat me back down and introduced himself as an old friend of mine.

I sputtered, "Old friend? Old friend indeed!" While my family members hushed me so that they could listen to him.

My mom suddenly suggested, "We're going for a trip to one of the nearby islands, maybe you'd like to join us!"

And so it was set. I would be seeing him..for the next 3 days.

~

The waiting was killing me. Couldn't he have just came early and be done with it? My parents had left me (the most logical choice, obviously) to wait for him at the dock, while they had gone to secure the lugage onboard.

My music was on full blast from my phone - there were no one around except the boat, the water and the dock, so what was the use of me using headphones?

Then suddenly someone blocked out the sunlight (as faint as it was, I was - mind you - enjoying it!). I turned slowly and my nose twitched. Did he..

Omg. He did. Like, a dozen oversized, how-come-they-are-taller-than-me, oh-so-deep, wine red roses. The exact shade of red and purple fused that I loved so much.

Squinting against the sun, he smiled at me and shook the roses at me, "They didn't make smaller ones."

I took the bouquet. It was simply made, and unwrapped. The thorns were (obviously) cut off, but all the leaves had been left on. Overwhelmed, I grasped the stalks and reflexively sniffed at the delicate buds.

My heart melted. After all these years, I now knew I could, and that I would forgive him.

On the boat, we talked (I was still clutching the roses - they were beautiful, at any rate), slipping easily into old rhythms, catching up on the past few years. At one point in time, food appeared and we ate as we talked, chatting late into the night.

The next day we docked at the island; he was very gentlemanly, and said that he would check in for us first.

My mom asked once he was out of sight, "Uh, did anyone remember to bring the key?"

Confused, I started rumaging through my haversack, finding 2 key-cards right at the bottom of all my clothes. One said clearly "Use only on Day 2" and the other was..instinctively, i knew, all right?.. for the family room that we had reserved.

I handed the latter to my mom, keeping the first key hidden.

~

And then I woke up. I know there's a bit more to the dream, but I can't remember it anymore. Why is this happening to me again?

Why is this happening to me again? Why do I get swept along, thinking..over-thinking, over-reacting when people do these kinds of things to me?

I must not...I will not...I can not...I may not.

But I will enjoy him..for as long as I can and may. I don't know so many things about...him..

My will crumbles and I am lost.

bounced at 11:18 AM.

Strength