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Blog closing

2008-11-19T20:32:00.002+08:00

Since I don't update at this blog often anymore, please take note that I will be removing access from it.

Thanks everyone who has come to give me advice. Please refer to my Wangan Blog from now on.

Temper

2008-10-21T10:28:00.003+08:00

It's the little things that get to me.

But I'm learning control. I must learn control. I have seen how, without control and with temper, I can lose my focus.

But I'm learning to love him over and over again. For his patience, for his gentleness, for his forgiving ways.

>.<

Do I deserve someone like him?

Ever since he came into my life, I have not 'wanted' another. Perhaps those that I want, already are close to me, close to my heart.

And I am contented this way. But some feelings still surprise me over again and again.

How can I come clean with him - not him... ?

But we go on.

Hurts

2008-10-14T00:41:00.001+08:00

What hurts the most was...

...being so close and having so much to say...

...watching you walk away...

...never knowing what could have been...

...not seeing that loving you was what i was trying to do.

Thoughts

2008-09-10T10:51:00.000+08:00

Thinking of closing down this blog and focusing on my wangan blog =(

But then I know some ppl have links to here, and i'm too lazy to tell them to change XD

So...this blog stays up

Plus, I have too many memories already.

So...this blog stays up

On a sidenote, using my handphone to remotely do stuff on my computer is damn fun. I think it is a possible way to hack into ppl's computer XD

Life..

2008-07-08T11:22:00.003+08:00

...is fun =)

Coz I can do so many things now =D

Uni is starting soon...

Wish me all the best.

I will chiong my Project SSS asap too =)

And I will help Kor to complete his Project 2000 stars for...his 450HP GTR32 =.='''

2008-06-27T13:53:00.001+08:00

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller!

In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart.
You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. And you do break a lot of hearts.

At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do.
You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding

When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

What's" Your Personality Type?

Birthday Plans

2008-06-19T22:13:00.002+08:00

I have a lot of birthday plans and one of them involves going to a club and partying my heart out...of course with the girlfriends, and the guy friends, and the boyfriend =D

But then..I could settle for a round of drinks and drinking games at a pub, no need to dance XD..

Any suggestions?

Plus, Bear-kor promised me one of his mixed drinks..the bomb or something XD

Moments

2008-06-10T00:11:00.002+08:00

Some people measure time in days; some measure time in months. I measure time in moments - the moments that I spend with you...

A New Me

2008-05-30T14:26:00.002+08:00

It's been so long since I've blogged. Life isn't great..but I will make it. I have my friends, I have my bf, I have my spec F..

And I have fever -.-'''

Taking this opportunity to blog some random thoughts...

I guess he doesn't really read this? When I think back to that trying time for me - when I had to make the ultimate decision (well, he wouldn't know about that, eh?) - I have no wish to go back and change. I suppose it's for the better, and that we should stay this way.

And while this new one may not be my eye candy, or even someone I..love in that way.. this new one is someone close to my heart, simply because of that which has passed. I wish to take up the job so that I may protect him, though it may turn out that he will have to protect me in the end.

But I could not let him get hurt, not after what he has told me.

And my darling Rusco...I repeat what I've always told you when your face is all black like that..."There's only space for one in my heart, and right now, it's being occupied by someone who's really big sized..."

Eyes On Me

2008-05-16T10:54:00.002+08:00

I haven't been updating here..simply coz I'm not in the mood to update here. My life's..in a mess. I want to play play play, but I know I should get a job. Work first, then play.

And I feel that I'm losing him..I don't feel..anything liao. Where is my beating heart? Everytime I see him..

Will this be a repeat of my past? Or am I just not fated to have someone who will hold me tight when I'm down?

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard

I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy?
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no

I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I wanted to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if your're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

Really tired

2008-04-18T01:33:00.003+08:00

I really feel damn tired. Now only ALK, USM and me are the ones in the shop the entire day - okay, USM not so, but really, it's like only the 3 of us running full shifts on weekdays. Weekends...entirely different story, but still, we are tired..

Okay, so maybe I really need an attitude change..but next week, I will be trying to go full shift every day liao..coz I need the money too...else really, no $$$ for my SSS..

Just that a lot of things..really make me feel like giving up SSS - if just so that I can keep on to my 'happiness', superficial as it is..

But then now, even a close friend has..said..

..something that makes me think about the stuff that I'm most afraid of on my road to SSS, something that I've tried to put aside when I first started thinking about this road.

I wish I could be like Kor and HZH - that I could simply put aside what people think, say or otherwise express about me, and continue on my journey.

I really wish I could go and spam on some sushi right now. I need sushi.

TSK

2008-04-16T08:49:00.002+08:00

My CBox in my Wangan blog = dying. So I ported over my current, personal CBox.

I miss the Clique..I hope to be in Uni soon..hope can get in...best is if I can go SMU..then I can everyday meet my KKMLK and race! XD

Apart from that, I'm like, dead tired nowadays. Need more rest -.-

Mom's...

2008-04-11T22:09:00.002+08:00

a bitch.

Since she's said, "Next time you wanna stay out the whole night, just let me know, then I don't need to worry" - I WILL. MISTAKE ME NOT. I WILL.

Fuck you, I hate you. You don't even take an interest in my personal life - you seem to hate all the guys I bring home with the exception of C.R., who is like, my good friend.

My god. Just go away. I hate you.

Only You

2008-04-10T20:58:00.002+08:00

If you're reading this, I'm missing euu =(

~

Some rants about playing WMMT3:

Putting MAY@ as a card name makes people call me May, instead of Maya..or even better, GOO is calling me MAY-AT

Great. JUST great. XD

~

I don't have the $$$ for my SSS

~

I will be looping a lot. Catch me at DBG! I will unshade my car by next Saturday!

~

If there's one thing about people like ALLOYCIOUS is that I hate them COPYING my settings. What, do you think this setting is for everyone to use? I'm different from you guys!

Apart from that, I need to plan a lot for next few months le -.-'''

Relief

2008-04-07T08:48:00.002+08:00

OKay, so it was a stupid move to give the agency a call, but hey, I've learnt my lesson, and I'm also grateful to my DARLING RU~ for helping me get out of the sticky spot.

Seems like, I can't do much without her eh?

Updates! XD I'm so happy for FE! Finally eh? *huggles* Man, we gotta hang out together one day on a group date...

My wangan seems to be getting better - however I'm doing less battles and more loops. But I find that even my battles seem to be getting just slightly better.

Started a "diary" of sorts purely for my personal car - for the general updates/play, number of stars, ghost wins/races, outruns...etc..

Maybe i'm just crazy la.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

2008-03-30T10:45:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry that I hurt you the other day. The words I said, the way I acted - it all was very painful. I should not have said what I said, I should not have done what I'd done, but I could not hold my emotions in.

"It's not just a game to me" - this rings true, and I..feel like quitting Wangan, just because of this.

I must not think too much, yet I must think of my future. So many things that I cannot say, except for a single word..

Sorry.

Pain

2008-03-23T20:50:00.002+08:00

She hurt me, physically and mentally.

Yet the most pain I feel is from her words. How could she say such stuff about me and him, to me?

I don't know if she understands.

I don't hate her. I have to keep my strength for other things, much less hate for her.

I wish, I wish..

..that I didn't have a mother like her.

It's Stress!

2008-03-17T10:15:00.002+08:00

Really very stressful to play with Boss and SKP. Sometimes, even playing with others, make me feel really stressed.

Got a bad headache yesterday - too many games in one sitting, with too loud music. Now feeling the after-effects.

Tuesday gonna be eating more stars, else would be running Rusco's Legacy..

My own car is now getting a blog of its own - herbloodsweatandtears.blogspot.com

Waiting to find a nice skin for it. Or I might not even skin it..

Decisions, decisions

2008-03-15T22:36:00.002+08:00

So many things to make up my mind about.

I feel so frustrated. I don't know how...my plans will fall into place, especially now with this last development..but I will.

Don't you worry, my baby.

Updates

2008-03-11T10:20:00.002+08:00

A lot of updates and rants..but I won't waste my time here...

Friends:
Finally met up with the Klique! Wootz! XD Had a lot of fun, and loved the sushi place. Planning to go back there some day =)) with a lot more friends of course. I realised that I really do enjoy..hanging out with girls, and actually being a girl once again - since I always hang out with guys, I feel more like a guy, rather than a girl.

Wangan:
Finally found the perfect setting. Really really perfect. It's pretty 'stunning' to some people, but I'm thankful that I have 2 crazy sifus that thought of giving me this setting. Really, my car is pure beauty now when it runs. The turns that I previously could not do, now I can; the exit speeds are so high, there is so little loss in speed...I really enjoy racing now.

I have also decided to go for SSS. I hope I will have everyone's suppport. Not only from the guys in Wangan, but also from friends outside of Wangan; I hope that you guys will support me on my low days, because you know as a girl, I do get mood swings.

I talked to Boss the other night. I think..he gave me a lot of advice that I would have heard from Da Ge also. It's interesting and enlightening to listen to a top player, because there I can see my strengths and improve on them; I can see my weaknesses and remove them. I don't need to fear ridicule (because it often happens when I'm with the other guys - but when I'm with Da Ge and the others, I learn a lot more).

Life is really great now. I have cool, great and supportive friends. I have a boyfriend who dotes on me, and I really love him a lot - just because he dotes on me a lot and we race a lot together XD self owning each other all the way and yeah, being the SOC XDD. I have my car - pure beauty. I have Wangan.

I have passion again. And I'm waiting to chiong for SSS now.

It's..

2008-03-04T01:17:00.002+08:00

..that time of the month again.

No, not my period - coming from an all-girls school gives me a..sense of security in chatting openly about my period during lunch time.

I'm talking about the time of the month just before my period, when my moods step onto the world's largest Viking ship and starts swinging to and fro. One minute I'm enjoying life, and the other you can see me emo-ing and tearing away.

I just thought about GA and FM again - started when I watched a show that reminded me about 'them', or rather their characters and what they did, in particular - and I remember what they've done to me. I feel..strange. They don't deserve my anger - I'm hardly angry with anyone these days (except for that day when XP really tested my patience). I don't have the energy to be angry, I'd rather channel my energy into Wangan.

It's so pressurizing, I hope you would not pressurize me when we race together.

Now I just beat myself up mentally, that I should have been less naive, and seen the warning signs, trusted my sixth sense. This emo-ing will go away soon, and I hope everyone will forgive me.

I hope I would forgive myself in due time. Yet, chaos is the penance for leisure

Burnout

2008-03-03T10:58:00.002+08:00

Burnout: Slam on!
Made my first proper slam and cram with lots of help from TCS and Zero*...lol..Thank you guys..XD

2 new projects for Wangan.

~

Burnout: Tired
Felt like a zombie at work yesterday. Head ached, stomach felt really queasy..sigh.

~

I am sorry that I have doubted you. But then, that night made me a little paranoid all over again..

Fragile heart

2008-02-28T00:53:00.002+08:00

Fragile crystal heart
Shatter not, shatter not
Though the lies, minor they be
They cut, to the core, me.

~

If it was a lie to get back your cards, I don't know why you couldn't just tell me the truth. I'm already walking on such thin ice, and sometimes it feels like I'm falling into the watery depths with you.

I have been so honest with you; I don't know who to believe now, you or them. Find a reason for me to never doubt you...tell me if it's true or not, about your cards...tell me if those words you said to me were true.

Because, my darling, I don't want to doubt you, not now, not ever again, not forever.

Your actions tell me one thing, and our friends tell me the same damn thing. I never want to stop this feeling; it makes my heart race, and I hope that we can be honest with each other.

Emo-tions

2008-02-27T01:14:00.002+08:00

He said yes in reply to one of my frank questions. Now it makes me think..

No, I love myself the way I am, and I will not change..

~

On a happier note:

i like your attitude..maybe it's because we can relate to each other~

=) well, i think it's because we both strive to be the best in what we do...some people are content with what they have, but not us

i totally agree...this is for people who wants to succeed..like us

~

A lot of work with little rest.
My fingers bleed, my hair's a mess.
Eyes half-closed, words a mumbling
I stumble around like a zombie

~

Hope that by Thursday I'll still have strength to go dance DDR well XD

This is my destiny

2008-02-22T11:40:00.001+08:00

It makes my heart race.

Yu Sheng, Chicken Rice and Valentine's

2008-02-22T00:34:00.003+08:00

Valentine's was really..cute. One thing I remembered was that Rusco's '大哥' grabbed him by the arm - it looked really absurd, seeing that '大哥' was..shorter than me - and asked me if Rusco had given me a flower. When I said no, '大哥' asked if I wanted him to be beaten up, then I was like 'huh? no no no no no no no no no' XD

After that, 大哥 told Rusco that he'd better buy me a flower, else I should tell him, and then he'll beat Rusco up XD

Then we walked around Orchard..basically walked from Meritus till Orchard Hotel..Along the way, we saw a lot of nice flowers and sweet cars. I was joking that I should pick one of the flowers and pose with it so that the next day, Rusco could 'prove' that he'd given me a flower XD

~

The other night, Rusco asked me if I wanted to have yu sheng. I was like, thinking to myself if we were gonna have it with his friends..Quite surprised that it was gonna be just the both of us =)

So he was like 'we need chopsticks', and I was like 'hmm, let's go Cheers and get'..Ended up we walked to the skate park bus stop (I wonder why, considering that I could take a bus home from the bus stop right across Cine, in front of the Kopitiam...lol) and went to my place to get chopsticks.

A few seconds after we sat down, he smelt the distinctive yu sheng plum sauce smell. I smelt it a few seconds after he did =/ Really bad news..entire container of plum sauce like, spilled in his bag la. Plus the plum sauce was already mixed with oil..sweet and oily combination == bad!

So I told him that it was pretty much GG by then, and that he should come my house so we could clean out his bag..Lo hei-ed at my place..It was really yummy, with the *ahem* and the *ahem* bits..Quite a pleasant surprise =)

~

I love Rusco's chicken rice's rice. It's not too oily (some places make the rice really oily) and it's chewy, yet you can feel each grain on your tongue. The texture is really different from what we get from the hawker centre XD

However, to eat this chicken rice, we had to do a little sneaking around..

@Rusco: This is why I call you Kukumalu...you very cute leh. Never bring bag, but ta pao chicken rice for me, and cannot bring out of the kitchen -.-''' If I was tall enough, I'd hit you on the head man...

So we had to stuff the chicken rice into my bag. I went up to the 5th floor, met him at the service corridor and put everything in (spoiling the zipper on my bag at the same time but MEH...8SGD bag..can't expect much XD). I acted like a guest of the hotel XD Finally we got out of the hotel ya..lolol..

It's just..really cute of him =) And I'm grateful. The soup was great too, as well as the cute whachamacallit..er...like, crispy towgay XD

Trust

2008-02-13T01:38:00.000+08:00

"i'm scared. i once had a relationship where the guy left me after.... i need to know..if you and i, will turn out like this"

"no i won't let this happen...once i have sumbody i will not let her go"

I trust you; I really do. And with this trust, all my wishes and desires come to life...

And maybe, this time I can really soar..

~

The things you said to me on Monday night..no one has told me these before..i'm grateful..and sorry that it caused a barrier to go up..

But I've never heard another tell me such stuff before...thank you..

Projects

2008-02-12T23:42:00.000+08:00

Project Stock
Start: 10 Feb 2008
End: 10 Feb 2008
Status: Completed and continued with Project Setting

Project Setting
Start: 11 Feb 2008
End: 11 Feb 2008
Status: Completed

Project Racing Hearts
Start: 16th Feb 2008
End: ???
Status: Remove card sticker; train tag

Project Racing Devil
Start: 11 Feb 2008
End: None
Status: Ongoing. I will improve myself...I will not fail you guys.

Deja Vu and Fear

2008-02-11T17:38:00.000+08:00

Why does it feel like May '07 again?

Will he be different? Only time will tell.

I'm so afraid of being hurt again; is it best to concentrate on my project? Why do I always love my arcade game more than people? I'm willing to put aside friends, family and -people- just for the arcade game. I thought I've put this character behind me when I ended my TC4 career, but now it seems it has resurfaced. Old ghosts, suspicions and fears have come back to haunt me.

I've become a freak.

Fried Mars Bars, Couple Colour..

2008-02-06T19:58:00.000+08:00

Like I was saying, how it started was 2 weeks ago.

I was at DBG around 2-3pm, didn't have lunch, didn't have breakfast. Then the other guys came..K.L, Rusco, XPS..the guys, you know. Then I was really really feeling hungry, so I started asking everyone if they wanted me to get them anything.

BearZ told Rusco, "Why don't you go with her?" I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a thrill snaking down my back..lol. But I didn't know if BearZ knew; didn't even know that Rusco liked me at that point in time..didn't even know if he did, anyway.

So off we went; I was looking longingly at the fried mars bars, but..as quoted from my signature: "To transform Maya into HyperMaya, feed her Double Choc Chip cookies, or Fried Mars Bars with Chocolate Syrup and Ice Cream" So I didn't really..want to get high yet.

Rusco and I went around Carrefour; bought sushi, drinks, then went down to KFC to get BearZ's whipped potato. On the way back to the arcade at DBG, we went past Chippy's again, and this time the queue was shorter; Rusco went to get FMBars, and I was like...hmm..upsize ba, then we share lor"

So we ate at a corner before heading back to the arcade..to me it's like..pretty normal, but I also felt a bit..er..well, just..curiously happy sort of stuff.

Ah well. That's how it started, to me, at least. XD

Then there was another day when I'd renewed my MT3 card and changed the colour to sky blue with red and yellow flames XD At that point in time, I didn't know that Rusco's car colour was also sky blue..exact same shade, etc etc.

When the 4 of us played the other day @ Bugis, BearZ was yelling "couple colour!!!" I was like wtf? Lol..I guess I should have seen it earlier XD

XD *does a little dance around thingy~*

Racing Hearts

2008-02-06T18:14:00.000+08:00

And..today. 6th Feb 2008, 1700-1800.

Is a very..cute day.

Came home from work, feeling quite..pissed that I was supposed to stay at home for reunion dinner - had my evening and night planned out..I'd go Bugis, race, win, lose, cry - but either way, I'd see him.

He's not -that- hard to miss, anyway.

But no, reunion dinner was of course, more important.

So 2pm, I was at home, slacking, eating, thinking, checking forums. And then BearZ called me around 3pm.

"Maya, come down to DBG now....Rusco is here"

I mean, of course my 6th sense was yelling at me "CONFESSION, OMG"..duh. But wth, I rushed down. I actually panicked - I even lost my keys in the process -.-''' Spent like 10 minutes looking for it, when it was right beside my pillow.

When I got there, Rusco was not at DBG - I was so.."Heng arhh~" And went off to play Solitaire, since I didn't want..to be there..yet.

BearZ told me he was hiding in the toilet. I don't blame him. My heart would be jumping if it had legs - it was already pumping so fast. And then when he came back - I actually turned and saw him - I quickly turned back to my game and tried to concentrate. In all honesty, I was going "OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG" in my mind and..failed miserably at the game...TWICE in a row..which has never happened before -.-'''

So when BearZ came over and told me "He's here. You want to come with me or not....You don't come with me, I show him your sms...see, you cannot concentrate right...Come la"

He, being so persuasive, and me failing terribly at the game..So I went over to the Wangan machines. Awkwardness time. Rusco and I just sat near each other with the guys prodding him on. We talked a little, but it was about overhauling of engines and etc. We leaned in close to each other...accidentally-on-purpose, that's my guess XD Finally when we really had to go, he asked me "Hey, you wanna go take a walk?" then I was like "omg omg omg omg he's gonna confess then I'm gonna confess then we'll be like omg omg omg omg omg omg omg"

XD No such thing as 'confess' happened though. We walked around PS level 1 and 2; kept bumping into each other..like a couple, but not holding hands and stuff, you know..it was really, really sweet =)

Then Rusco asked "How you going home?", replied, "Bus, across the street". "Walk you there?" "Okie" XD

I was praying so hard that 111 wouldn't come any time soon - even though I knew he had to go off with his parents for dinner as well. I mean..it was my last chance to tell him that I really really liked him and wanted to go out with him..you know, that kind of thing.

Then he looked over my head (he's tall -.-''') and said, "Isn't that 111?" then I turned to look and said at the same time "yeah, it's 111, but I not gonna take it.." coz the traffic light didn't look like it was gonna turn red any time soon. Who knew just as I finished saying the above, the traffic light turned amber, then red, and 111 stopped just before the traffic light.

"Omg. Now I have to take it le." I can't believe I actually said that out loud!!! OMG!

Never mind, we crossed the road and when the bus finally pulled into the bus bay, he said, "Hey..sms me okay?" Then he leaned down and hugged me!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

I'm so grateful to BearZ and Gay^K for being matchmakers XD

It's a day to remember XD I'll blog about how it all started out when I'm done with reunion dinner XD

A new hope

2008-01-28T09:13:00.000+08:00

After this week, I hope to be able to put aside my current MT3 car for a lousier one.

Yes. A lousier one.

Why after this week? Coz I need to 'bring her ratio back up to 1'.

I will do just that, and then I will go straight out in learning the lousy car. I will make sure that I have the skill level before I go to M'sia at the end of the year (if they are going, and if I can go).

Yes, I must always hope and have hope; but to hope and have no action is worst.

Resolution

2008-01-22T13:56:00.001+08:00

Running, slamming, blocking, racing..whatever you call it. That's what I'm gonna be doing with my GBD-F

If he's gonna be collecting cards as well, then I'll be starting that too. Not purely because of him, but also because these cards are beauties.

*sighs* DDR with Ren tonight~ Can't wait~

Advice..

2008-01-21T17:21:00.001+08:00

"i think all this while you truly loved him only..so if there's any guy you want as your boyfriend it should be him"

If it was just crushes that I've been living through all these while..

Then I'm really sorry, Regrets..

I wish..I wish that he would notice how much that I've given up for him...How much I've..felt for him.

Thanks C.R. for..enlightening me. It was like I couldn't even see a few steps in front of me. Now, I think my path is clear. -Him- and -him- are just..'backups', distractions - hell, CRUSHES.

But him..him I really really like.

I don't think it's love. No..not love. Some thing more like a deep, deep respect for him and his skills, and his dedication and determination.

Sometimes I wish I could..talk to him in private. But we're always surrounded by friends, or noise. And I have to wonder if he has ever wanted to talk to me in private..because..I think..if I were to put a drastic plan into action, it would have to wait till after CNY..when I get to know -him- and -him- better.

And then maybe my path would be crystal clear. But I have a feeling that it's a crush right now for the 2 -hims-. I hope..not, and yet I hope so. Because I really really feel a lot for him.

"Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold them when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away"

Fat, chubby..whatever~

2008-01-18T11:23:00.001+08:00

LOL.

"But then if u say urself fat, WTH!!! I find it normal, jus a bit chubby.." - TRD's Rinoa.

I like to comfort myself with the fact that there are others out there like me, or worse than me - but that's not gonna do me any good, especially since I really want to lose weight.

I mean, hey. After 4 months of being at an office job (and eating lots with..him..*thinks about it and gets all emo*), snacking = gain weight fast. I need to get back into my 'fast paced' life of going to work at PD in the morning, going home to bath, rest, lunch; then going out to DBG to hang out with the guys.

One thing I realised that when I'm at the arcade, or at least spending more money and/or time on the arcade, I don't eat a lot, nor do I even want to travel out of the arcade to eat at whim.. (that's usage of the word 'arcade' 3 times in one sentence LOL)

So I hope to be back at the arcade soon, hungry but happy (lol..quoted from JLS) XD And yes, I hope to lose weight too =X

Training

2008-01-17T12:20:00.001+08:00

MT3 training, for me, will officially begin on 18th/19th Jan '08, depending on whether we're meeting up on the 18th first -.-'''

I will learn to slam, block, offensive- and defensive-push. I feel so eager to learn all these and more.

And in the process, I hope to..well, get 'lost' again. Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part - but *he* does look like -him1- and -him2- combined. If he has the wit of -him3- all the better.

ARGH. Why can't I just..forget it all and concentrate on my gaming? Or maybe I should just find a guy who plays the same arcade games/genres as me, then it's so much easier!

Well..*he* does play one of the games I play currently =X

Epilogue - Reprise

2008-01-15T09:59:00.001+08:00

I feel it as keenly as if I have stabbed myself in the heart, twisting the blade as it went in.

It's so ironic that in order to keep from harming, hurting him anymore, and to keep myself happy (because ultimately he wants me to be happy - I know that now, I've known that since I started to love), I'd need to leave him.

It's so painful.

I will miss him a lot. And I have hurt him so much just by leaving. Would he know that I'm leaving him because I don't want to cause the both of us more heartache than I already have?

Can you imagine your girlfriend hanging out at the arcade with guys (they constitute 95% of her friends) instead of spending what free time she has with you? Of course you'd feel jealous, of course you'd feel heartbroken.

I'm sorry that I have to leave. But never forget that I'm but a call or sms away. Don't stop being my friend, because I will never forget you.

Sleepy

2008-01-11T15:33:00.001+08:00

Sigh. I'm pretty fired up right now over DDR and Wangan. ((For some reason I can't stop eating SMINT as well..)) but I'm still so sleepy..

Argured with Regrets again this morning. Damnit. And it's gonna rain now - how fitting.

Avenged Sevenfold

2008-01-10T17:45:00.001+08:00

For some reason, their songs always connect very deeply with me, more so after I've read the lyrics.

Currently listening to Dear God.

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is

to hold her when I'm not around,

when I'm much too far away

We all need that person who can be true to you

But I left her when I found her

And now I wish I'd stayed

’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired

I'm missing you again oh no

Once again

Determined

2008-01-10T10:49:00.000+08:00

I will be focusing on these games:

MT3 - now that I found a team and a club to play with, I don't feel so left out anymore. I can do this, and I will play well and bring my team and club no shame.

DDR - I have found people to play with me le. So no more 'i'm feeling shy'.

I will play these 2 games till the next GOOD arcade shooter comes along. Then most likely back to shooting games. But I will not forget those who were with me from the start, instead I am ever grateful..

But then this causes more problems for me -.-''''

Death

2008-01-04T14:46:00.000+08:00

MMt3rd passed away on 4th January 2008, 2.45pm.

Enjoy Guinea Pig Land, my baby. I will miss you most fondly, as will Ms. LG, and the entire family.

Envy

2008-01-03T10:26:00.000+08:00

I envy, yet don't envy couples like Ren and CK.

Cause of envy and non-envy: A period of courtship.

I realise I tend to rush into my relationships..I didn't experience much courtship before a relationship, and that makes me envious of those who have had experienced such. It means that the couple actually has time to themselves during the actual relationship, instead of spending time finding out what the other likes and dislikes.

However, one reason why I don't envy them is the simple- and straightforward -ness of the relationship when there is no or little courtship. Between Regrets and me, there isn't..much need to play coy (well, we do for the fun of it at times XD)..I do find it hard to share my problems (mainly because I'm not used to sharing problems, or having someone help me - I guess this is the 'defect' with me -- the sin of pride..even William said that).

Even so, I enjoy my time with Regrets, exchanging slapstick humour and yelling insults at each other.

How Time flies

2008-01-02T14:34:00.000+08:00

I spent a day at Regrets' house. We hugged each other and slept most of the day. It felt I'd only slept for 1 hour, when I woke up to find that the sky was dark, and it was almost 8.30pm.

How time files when I'm with him.

It's 1/2 a year for us le..

And I've missed blogging, but I make up for it by doing my internship log -.-''' And reading the Web logs of the portal that we're working on right now.

I have so many plans for this new year. I hope I am strong enough to complete most, if not all. And I must have the courage to fail, and the courage to get back up. I must, I must.

And yet I must have time to sort out myself. Didi and FE are both right. I need time. But..even though I'd passed the first test of time, I have failed it by..by coming back with the same problem.

"No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please remember fondly that I love you"

What if I left him to make everyone happier? Myself, most important, no doubt..but..He has given me so much, almost all that I could ask for..

2007-11-28T13:04:00.000+08:00

Wow..almost 2 weeks never blog liao..

Really missed blogging..and missed everyone in the Klique..wishing you guys ALL THE BEST for your exams ya?

Maybe one day I'll see you guys in NUS/NTU..haha XD

I've been really busy with work..had 2 company functions.

Regrets and I have been 'arguing' lately..and everytime I think of what he last said, I really feel very lost and confused.

And I keep remembering that night, when I got angry at him and...well, I had to bite something to make sure I didn't say the dreaded words out of anger. After that, I didn't know what to feel anymore..

Haix.

"When dreaming with a broken heart, waking up's the hardest part" -- I was late for work the next day.

~

Started on Sanguo..really thanks to those who have helped me...Managed to get my first computer win by myself on 27th Nov..

Have stopped playing Wangan more or less, though I can feel I still have an afinity for it.

Played my first game of Silent Hill at the arcade on 27th Nov as well..really really scary. >.< I don't know how I really feel about this game right now.

Wong-di went to Thailand le..sad.

Klique, I miss you guys.

Ah...

2007-11-13T22:58:00.000+08:00

Defects defects defects..

11pm le..and I still at office helping TMY restart server..

More knowledge = more power XDD

Feeling quite tired..I guess my eyes must be bloodshot XD

Waiting to see Regrets again, waiting to play Wangan again, waiting for TC5, HOTD5, GS:Evo, Silent Hill

But most of all, I really miss hanging out with my friends, being as carefree. I just..feel like I've realised that when working in an office environment, how stressful it is compared to working in PD!

I miss the ppl at PD also..Mr. Bao being one of the most missed, as I haven't seen him much..

Ahh..

My heart feels itchy whenever I don't see Regrets for more than 3 days. Regrets..I miss you~

Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?

2007-11-11T10:44:00.000+08:00

"My god, my god, why have you forsaken me?"

I really made a hash of things this week at work.

That's all I can say.

My life is like a hashbrown now. Looks really great and neat on the outside, but that's just looks only. On the inside is chapalang de.

Regrets, I have never regretted meeting you, and I will do my best to help you no matter what. Just don't go.

Chain emails are a scary look at your inner thoughts, those that float in your subconscious mind. I am greatly disturbed by the last one I got. Why did the result turn out like that?

Klique - Missing you guys!! T.T Do take care and don't overwork yourselves!
Team Bull3t - Missing you guys..Should hang out one day, MT3 or just HOTD4 or just go crazy.

Take care all.

For The Future

2007-11-05T17:40:00.000+08:00

By end of this year:

1. Give Regrets a toy that I win from BSL
2. Have at least 200 in my bank account at all times
3. Either -
a.Give up MT3 completely and focus solely on shooting games
b. Spend only 60 on MT3 every month and 70 on shooting games
4. Get a mammogram done
5. Decide if I wanna go Uni (when I can)
6. Get the PSP mods that I want (if I can/de)

~*~

By end of next year:

1. Learn contact juggling professionally
2. Give up MT3 completely/competitively
3. Focus on shooting games (GhostSquad evo etc..)
4. Get into Uni of choice
5. STILL be with Regrets after June 22nd 2008
6. Have at least 400 in my bank account at all times
7. Still hold a part-time postition at Prima XDD
8. Maybe get a PSP slim if I haven't got my PSP mods yet
9. If I dun get into Uni, consider freelance contact-juggling (maybe at a bar or something) and busking as well. Obviously work at Prima to have income la!

-- More to be added when I think of it. I'll prolly put it in my wishlist pane

Weekend~

2007-10-29T10:30:00.000+08:00

Had a fun time over the weekend~

Saturday went to Regrets' place, slack, sleep, rest..till afternoon..go to Bedok and waited for him to finish RT so both of us could (after his RT) go to Legary's and Reuy BBQ birthday party..Had a blast doing most of the cooking XD

Sunday went back to work at Prima...Quiet!

XD

MT3, here I come~

T.T

2007-10-26T11:01:00.000+08:00

"u mean more to me than u tot"

"Lol u had be surprised wad u have given me, and its more than wad i had expected.."

"No dear,im happy u had let me noe when u r unhappy but im really scare when u always ask me when to let u go"

TT.TT

Regrets, if I let you go, it's because I want you to be happy..Sometimes I really feel useless, like I can't make you happy..Please don't get me wrong, dar..

And just in: "Yo dear, how you feeling 2day?"

"Dun care, need you more than anything else!"

>.<

I don't care if I'm not 'playing the game of love' or something..because between Regrets and I, we don't have to hide anything

Ahhhh~

2007-10-22T09:30:00.000+08:00

Long time no post!

Hello everyone!

XD

The week was full of defects again! Saturday I actually had to come back to work as well -.-''' But now at least I have many defects to work on again! woot~

Been meeting up with Sifu and Jul-di more at AMK! Also been meeting Rusyuna as well XD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUL-DI~!

Anyway, I've been improving at my MT3! Or so Typlo-kor says...I'm really glad for his and Rusyuna's advice..I do feel that I've been steadily improving, though my judgement could be a little better! T.T'''

I've improved till 2 minutes 57secs! 700HP too..Really happy..and Typlo-kor has shown me how to drive certain areas..I really hope for the day to come when I can consistently get 2 minutes 55 seconds!

=D

Went for a wedding dinner last night with Regrets..>.< he was so tired..But I'm really happy in the time that I spent with him =D And it made me think about a lot of things as well, but I'm happy =D

I Had a Bad Day

2007-10-16T16:37:00.000+08:00

15 Oct 07, Monday...was a bad day.

Work was frustrating till I reached the solution. But what irked me even more was the conflict in myself.

On one hand, I wanted to stay at AMK till late. On the other, I wanted to see Regrets again.

I felt like I had shamed him.

While walking to the MRT, I wanted to just sms him and tell him 'just go with your friends, dun wait for me le, maybe tonight don't meet le'.

How could I put the love for a game over my love for him?

We argued today (Tuesday) and I nearly..very nearly cried at work.

"If you feel it's better this way then suit yourself. I concede defeat"

And then when I read the GF forums, I had to read this:

"Maya, you're very irritating to read. Please consider calming down, breathing slowly, and being semi-intelligent."

Thanks for spoiling my day.

And now the fucking CSS in ST environment is missing. I have wasted the entire day sitting here, moving codes around and wondering why my codes (which I fixed yesterday) were not working today.

Inspired~

2007-10-12T09:06:00.000+08:00

Monday: I was still struggling with my Solution Finder header alignment thingy..was quite concerned that my work would start piling up..Finally finished it sometime in the afternoon, along with a correction to an error box message that my supervisor asked me to do. After both were checked in and stuff, I was given another task (*groan*) which..

Tuesday: I had spent a good portion of monday looking at both Firebug and the codes and comparing them to see how they would fit together. Again, it was TMY who gave me a great idea to go fiddle with the tables..and it worked! Like OMFG?! it worked! XD I was soooooooooooooooooo happy! =D XD =) and all the other smilies..After that, I had to fix a database + logic defect..this one had me trawling through quite a bit of server-side codes..quite interesting as I understood a lot more about how the DB works with a new programming technology/language.

Wednesday: I did various things..learnt how to hotfix any problems =)

Thursday: Cleared most of my previous days works and started to do some admin stuff like my timesheets..had bei-mien for dinner (heheh) and wanted to leave early so I could go MT3 (as usual, what else? XD) But TMY was being held back so =(

But anyway, I got to AMK hub around...10.15pm (in the end we actually waited for TMY..) and proceeded to watch them..Saw DRIFT again, but avoided challenging him, as advised by Typlo-kor, who was giving me a LOT of advice.

He started out by saying "you should play this mode to be more powerful" -- of course I had my doubts, but one should never doubt Typlo-kor!! XD and then so when one of them finished playing, I went to play the mode that he recommended.

This is why I felt so inspired. I learnt a lot on that map, and in that mode. My car spoke to me, and I sped through the turns (at the start I was pretty bad, but by the end, I was pretty satisfied). Typlo-kor went away for one run , and that run was my best run so far.

6 seconds less (or more, however you view it) to the time he suggested. I can do this. I will do this.

Friday: Currently..trying to get up enough courage to go find ABNY to ask about my defect. Will be leaving ASAP so I can go learn more. I will never be able to learn enough.

Typlo-kor, thank you. I learnt a lot, and I hope to learn more from you.

Saturday: Will be working at PD in the morning with PG! w00tz~

Sunday: Church..then Regrets. Regrets, aren't you tired? You've been running through my mind for the past few days...

I miss you..

Whew~

2007-10-08T09:18:00.000+08:00

It's been a busy week!

Monday: *WC3 Peon voice* Work work..Wangan!

Tuesday: *WC3 Peon voice* Work work..Work work..

Wednesday: *WC3 Peon voice* Work work..Wangan~

Thursday: *WC3 Peon voice* Work work..Work work...Cup noodles~

Friday: *WC3 Peon voice* Work work..Wangan..Met up with Sifu, Wongster-di, Max and Rusyuna!

Saturday: REST! Or as much as I could..Went to Regrets' house and slacked, then went with him to Tampines Mall for dinner and to get presents for my 2 sistas..Bought myself a nice dress, recommended by Regrets, of course..wanted to get some shoes too but mom wasn't too happy. Those were great shoes, and everything was like 20% off!

I wanna go shopping with you again, Regrets =)

After which, he went to dota while I went to arcade...I felt I really learnt stuff about Hakone line..both inbound and outbound.

Sunday: Went for church, then chiong to JEC for some Wangan..which..I didn't get to play because of a )@#&^!(@*^. Played TC4 instead and was disheartened by my score! T.T And turned up late for Liping's birthday party @ Pizza Hut! =(

But after that, I chiong home to have my grandma's birthday dinner..which I couldn't eat much coz of the pizza I ate =(

Managed to play 2 games of DotA with Regrets on BNet but it was lagging a bit...So my Weaver actually died like, 4-6 times..but I killed 13 times! woot~

Back to work..

*WC3 Peon voice* work work..

Thoughts

2007-10-02T08:29:00.000+08:00

I can do this.

My handling of my car is slowly improving.

I love you, Regrets.

No matter how far away, you'll always be with me in my heart.

I can soon start to battle it out with them.

Soon.

Soon.

Soon.

Can't stop this rush, this addiction. So afraid to lose myself fully in this passion.

When I'm on the road, I feel like I'm flying. But when an angel flies too close to the ground, it crashes.

But still, I love this feeling.

More power, more speed!!

Aimlessly drifting..

2007-09-30T23:21:00.001+08:00

I'm the reason for his pain.

Sorry, just put the blame on me.

Freedom is Invisible

2007-09-26T23:36:00.001+08:00

It's only when one puts the pedal to the metal then would one understand why it is so.

The feeling of flight.

The feeling of almost blurring past the speed of sound.

Heavenly..and insane.

Love to Rise in the Summer Morning

2007-09-26T12:29:00.000+08:00

Gotta love that song!

Gonna get the OST, rip it and be all evil by selling it!

Sell the songs!

hahahhahahahahahha

-.-''' Lame.

But it's sooooo good. Makes you feel like dancing when you hear it. I feel so high when I listen to Love to Rise in the Summer Morning..

In a way, I drive better listening to that song! =X

High high high!

Drift drift drift!!!

XDDDDDD

Hmmm

2007-09-25T11:11:00.000+08:00

Last night, when I thought about it, I was quite shocked at myself for thinking that way.

"If he doesn't get paid this month, I might seriously consider walking out"

But I do have to face reality, my teacher and I discussed this quite openedly. I don't think I could live and support him at the same time, all the time; because honestly, I realise (after doing my own accounts for this month and the next) that I actually love myself a lot more than I love him.

Which is kind of sad, but I really want to record all these down.

But obviously, I'm not really the type of person. I'm just surprised/shocked that I could think this way. Then again, it's probably the Leo side of me talking. I need to be pampered a lot! XD

So I guess I won't be seeing him again this week. Sunday probably going out to buy my formal clothes with him so wootz. Pray for the best, that I dun need to go back to work!

Also getting MT3's OST! HMV selling 72SGD but we've found places that it's going for 42SGD max!!!

Free delivery!!! XDDDDD

Oh and I need my PSP back soon, Ice-san XD

Missing him lots..

Tired!!

2007-09-22T22:42:00.000+08:00

So like I finally got my results for my attachment!~

I'm going to Accenture! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

850SGD/month pay!

After work can go AMK Hub chiong MT3 le!

Can support Regrets le! =X

Weeeeeeeeeeee!

But apart from that, these few days have been going to work so that I have at least 100SGD to support Regrets next month if need be. I hope not, as I'm pretty sure I might not earn over 500. I'm aiming for a take home pay of 550, so I offered to work on Wed night also. Maybe I shouldn't have not-worked from 3-6. Haix.

Anyway, tomorrow I'll be working full day. It's the first time I'll be working full day, so wish me luck! But I'm working with 2 of my really reliable colleagues - ALK and PG! XDDDDD So I shall pray for the best and earn tomorrow!!

XD

Apart from that, I'm pretty worried about Regrets' and I de (financial) situation. And of course, our normal situation also la. I think we this whole week never meet up le..Forgot to wish him Happy 3rd month too..quite sad.

But I met some guys from MT3 forums yesterday at DBG. Was quite surprised to see Ty there. I was like 'eh, that guy looks like Ty, but then there's another guy who looks like Ty' so I smsed FE and asked him if Ty was at DBG, and then FE was like saying 'Ty says you're at DBG too, go say hi to him' then I was like 'hahahahah okay..=X'

Actually I didn't even see Ty, only his lookalike, so I wasn't really sure if that was Ty =X

Sorry Ty~

Then I saw ABC's car in play..didn't know who until we chatted on MSN this morning. XD Apparently, he sat beside me when I started to play my share, which was..quite late, around 11pm+. They all were gaming so hard, maybe they didn't see me XD

MT3 was fun, and I was quite heartened by what Typlo-kor (who came down to pick up his gf after work...shooooo sweet!~) said to me after I showed him my card. I mean, he was asking me first, 'You want to start or not?' - He was refering to the guys who were playing so much. Then I was like 'Hahaha started le!' then he asked, 'Shaded or not?' then I was like 'Huh? Err..Shaded ba' Then I just laugh and show him my card, then he look and say 'Ya, quite good, you play very fast'

Then I was thinking 'ya, I chiong 30+10+random amount at JEC <30' of course fast?!'

XDDDD

Now tuned to 720HP le. Happy!

A Simple Life

2007-09-18T10:01:00.000+08:00

Sunday after work, I went to meet Regrets. Instead of watching a movie, coz he had no more vouchers, we went to DotA. DotA le..I guess both of us had lost touch..

Ate a simple dinner of kway chap and pig organ soup at the food court, then we walked to the playground, sat, chatted and played Worms Golf on my handphone and then we walked to his house de bus stop and I took a bus to the interchange and then home.

Felt really sad to leave him; after all, last week we've only met up..2 times, inclusive the one on Sunday.

And this week, we won't be meeting up.

Feeling really really melancholic.

Also feeling somewhat guilty about playing WMMT3 like mad. I guess it's apples and tuna for me the next 2 weeks XDD

Haix.

But then again, I really really enjoyed my time with Regrets, as little as it was on Sunday. We calculated that we had only met up for 5 hours that day..but really, it felt like we'd only seen each other for 10 minutes.

Haix.

Drift Drift Drift!

2007-09-15T22:49:00.000+08:00

30SGD spam on WMMT3.

Worth it.

I close my eyes and I see the Wangan again.

The whine of the engine when it's over-revved, its silky purr when shifting gears.

The funny dialogue that I could never understand because I don't really have a idea as to what tuning cars is really about.

This madness is beautiful.

WMMT3

2007-09-13T14:04:00.000+08:00

After much consideration, I have to say that I'll be going for WMMT3 instead of ID4.

Cons that led me NOT to play ID4
1. ID4 too expensive to play
2. No one in my circle of friends play ID4 - Apart from GA and Ivern..which somehow I'm not gonna consider in my circle of arcade friends
3. Way too expensive
4. Their forums put me off.

Pros that led me to PLAY WMMT3
1. Typlo-kor is there. I feel safe with Typlo-kor around. He is so sensible =) Thank you kor
2. My best guy friend plays WMMT3
3. My bodyguard no. 2 plays WMMT3
4. Regrets doesn't like me hanging out with -him- (and I don't think I want to hang out with -him- either)
5. I prefer the solitude found in WMMT3 forums. (I felt that ID4 forums had everyone rushing to put their thoughts out, ending in flame wars across the globe; WMMT3 mostly SG people =D )
6. WMMT3 is cheaper than ID4

So now instead of Outrun, let's all go play WMMT3~

Sane drifts for teh win~

Excuses to get away from -him- and -him- for teh win~

Learning how to drive a car for teh win~

The pain for teh win~

Hopefully I will have the same passion for WMMT3 as I have for TC4 and HOTD4

Updates!~

2007-09-11T08:56:00.000+08:00

So since the last post was on like, Thursday, let's start with Friday.

Friday: Had a disaster of a BBQ with LH's BYOP thing. Spent a lot of time doing nothing but trying to find the 'pit' before realising that it was 'Bring Your Own Pit'. Then spent more time waiting for Regrets, FE-san and Ice-san to bring the BBQ pit (I'm quite put off as to why they were so late, not simply because they WERE late, but because of the reason behind it, and no, it's not because of 'we had to wait 20 minutes for a taxi')

So never mind? The 4 of us started the fire after much yelling that the smoke was getting in our eyes and the sparks were flying like mad. LH didn't bring firestarters (rather, she thought solid fuel = firestarter.

It was difficult to make the fuel catch fire, so FE and I came up with a great idea (bestties FTW~) Wrapped the solid fuel in lots of toilet paper (LH scrimped on the napkins, I'm fine with it anyway) and then lit it.

Success~ XDD So we cooked for the Chinese ppl (2 groups - Chinese...and the arcade) XD really felt they were 'ungrateful'..Won't elaborate.

This is why I felt so emo that night. I felt that my group (the arcade group, obviously) wasn't enjoying it (*takes a dig at FE again* hehe except you, eh? XDDD j/k LARH. dun need to take things so seriously la zzz).

The cake that LH's mom brought was super smashed on one side, coz LH's mom was swinging it like nobody's business~

After that, Regrets and I went to shower coz the both of us were really damn hot. After that, we went back to find out that..the Chinese group had all run off expecting us to stay. I thought they should have at the very damned least SMSED ME OR CLEANED UP THE PLACE FIRST.

So FE and Ice stayed there till they came, while Regrets and I went on ahead to Macs. It was like 1 hour's walk. I really enjoyed walking with him. I think walking with him is fun! XD

Met up at Macs, got really disgruntled about something. Made sure the 3 of them - FE, Ice and LH - were on the taxi home before Regrets and I went to DotA @ Katong. It was really close, so we spent only like 6SGD + to get there. Heng we didn't have to send FE home first =P Coz his place is like 20 minutes from Katong T.T

So I guess, that's about it. Enjoyed sleeping with Regrets out in the open..Really felt like a refugee =X

I suppose what you said is correct, dar. She probably wants to explain somethings to me. I want to talk to my proxy =X

~

Saturday: Work work @ 12pm. I reached home around 6-7am, collapsed into bed immediately and slept till 11am+

zzz

~

Sunday: Was expecting a TV crew at 6pm, end up they came at 11am like that, so WR and I missed our chance at stardom XDDDDD

I had lots of fun working with her; we ate..a lot of things (2 mini snowskins - Green Tea, Peanut Butter and Choc; miso soup; 1/2 waffle each [I spread mine with cinnamon powder, butter and a bit of sugar...mmm~] lol)

~

Monday: Spent the only day that Regrets had free for this week with him @ his place. Fell asleep coz I'd been drinking Asahi. I didn't know it was that strong, okay..or else I haven't been drinking, that's why..or else coz I drank it too fast XDD After sleeping at his place from 11am till 4pm, we finally got up to meet FE and DK at CS. Looked at the PSP skins FE wanted to show me. I was like OMGGGGG damn nice?

And it can fit with the images/designs I want for my PSP mod!!!

hehehe

After that, went to KFC to eat (watched as FE and DK kao ghei~) XD Then I went off to Bugis..I think it was quite sad for me to go Bugis alone. I dunno why. Maybe coz Bugis bigger, and not say really my 'turf'. I prefer DBG..it's quiet..and it's my second home.

Went home after 2 games of OR2SP HA, 1 game of TC4 and 1 game of HOTD4 (made it to Empress T.T with a lot of stupid mistakes..)

Haix.

Oh well. Train train train~

Relief~

2007-09-04T11:42:00.001+08:00

And he didn't sms me over the weekend.

Not Regrets la, kukuhead.

POWER WAVE~

I'm glad and anxious at the same time.

Maybe I have lost a friend.

But I'm okay~

Emptiness

2007-09-02T22:09:00.000+08:00

I miss you.

~

Ego Smasher was fun while it lasted. Blogged about it in TTL.

Life is currently full of hoping (25%), slacking (30%), working (15%) and missing you (30%).

Unless of course, you count missing you and slacking at the same time, then that's 60%.

Even talking to you over the phone is..not enough.

T.T

I miss you.

Frustration

2007-09-01T11:48:00.000+08:00

One thing I dislike (he's not worthy of my hate) is that this guy doesn't approach me directly about my mistakes, but instead disturbs my best friend FE-san..

...while I'm playing the game.

Obviously, FE-san ignored the little show-off. And it's good that he did. But I seriously think that it's time for some lecturing. First to find out why he's being such a prick, and why he doesn't approach me.

Oh yes, maybe he thinks I'll sit on him and squash him flat with the power of KONG BA BAO!

Or as Regrets says, "Kong ba kong ba!"

XDDD

Really missing you, dar.

But Friday overall was a good day. Finally met up with Ruzhi-san and we had some laughs, though I suppose that both of us have changed a lot since we last met and talked..

Anyway, right now 'chatting' with that prick. Wish me luck! I'm off to work soon too XD

Passion

2007-08-30T12:19:00.000+08:00

When I play DotA with my friends, I enjoy it more. Probably because of the yelling of "OMG! YOU KS ME!", "WAHAHAHAHAHHAHA I KS YOU!", "OMG KS!!", and the occassional "Omg. Hero missing you all never say!" or "Hero missing from top. Mid care!"

I really like it. And to listen to "M-M-M-MONSTER KILL!" thundering from 5 different computers (or maybe up to 10 if it was inhouse) at the same time gives a really feel-good feeling.

Not to mention the better teamwork when we don't have to spend time typing.

Really hope that your pay will come in soon, and at least we won't be deprived of such fun next month.

>.<

If Tomorrow Never Comes...

2007-08-28T09:10:00.002+08:00

...Would he know how much I love him?

"Remember to sms me when you reach home, okay?"

Without looking at him, she nodded and mumbled a reply, "Ya, okay." She felt him hugging her tightly before letting her go. A strange sense of melancholy enveloped her as she slowly walked away.

Of course he has a meeting with his friend, and he has no money to send me home right now. So it's okay..it's okay.. She tried to re-assure herself over and over again as she walked to the bus-stop across and down the road.

Hearing the familiar rumble of a bus' engine, she turned to check if it was the bus she could take home. Goodness knew how long she'd have to wait if she missed that only bus.

OMG. She started running, cursing herself mentally for walking so slowly before. Without noticing, she started to cross a side-road when bright lights flared on her left a moment before she felt weightlessness.

'WA! 77kg! You catching up with me le!' She heard his voice teasing her about her newly accquired weight. 'Yes! Let's go for 85kg! Next time you come my house, must weigh!' She smiled dreamily at the recollection, her hands reaching out towards his face.

Bright lights came again, but this time it was accompanied with a horn blaring. The weightlessness seemed to continue as she felt her body moving in a different direction this time.

And then all went dark. She could only hear his voice, calling her name anxiously. Her lips moved to answer him, but she could not hear her own voice apart from the thoughts formed in her head.

~

"Remember to sms me when you reach home, okay?"

She worried him. She was too quiet the whole day, and damn, it was his fault. He knew she was worried about something - most likely it was about the fact that both of them were dead broke.

He hugged her tightly against him, knowing that it wouldn't help her tension, but needing to make sure she was as okay as she could get. He heard her mumbled reply of "Ya, okay" and then let her go. He watched as she walked away, making sure she crossed the road to the other side safely before he turned away to walk to his own bus-stop. He was kind of late for his meeting with his other friends as it is.

He saw the only bus that she could take home trundle past him and fervently he hoped that she would catch it. It was then he heard the screech of brakes and the blaring of horns a few seconds later.

He screamed as he turned and his eyes registered the scene. He had recognised her body, as limp as a rag doll's, being flung into the air by the car that came screeching out of the side road, and then as her body was hit by another car from the main road.

Rushing across the road, he pushed past the already forming crowd. "We're like bulldozers, you know?" She had commented once. That thought formed tears in his eyes as he cradled her mangled body, calling out her name desperately, willing her to be alive.

"Some body call an ambulance!" He rasped at the onlookers, tears streaming down his face. "Someone call the police!"

Unbelievably, she was smiling, and as he watched, her lips formed the words, "I love you".

Poison V

2007-08-27T08:47:00.000+08:00

THEY RAWKED! XD

Here's the video of their dance. I'd have to say that it was (like what Ice-san said) enticing..And really sexy. Good choice of songs =)

Jia you!

Why?

2007-08-26T14:11:00.000+08:00

Why is this happening to me?

I approached him, thinking of asking him to join us in playing for score - but I guess that's a choice each person makes.

And now he's like, so damn sticky. Every weekend: "Are you coming to Bugis?"

My god.

I wish I didn't approach him in the first place.

Regretting it now.

And if you're reading this (I hope not, because then I'd be really scared), you should know that you aren't anyone special to me. It was lucky that I was not in an extreme bad mood when you called and straightaway said "Where are you?"

You are not my bf; Regrets is.

You don't have to meet up with me every Saturday unless.

UNLESS.

Unless you are thinking of chasing me. And if you're trying to woo me, AT LEAST DO IT WITH SOME STYLE.

But I don't think so.

For all our sakes, I hope we just misunderstood you.

2nd Month =)

2007-08-23T11:20:00.000+08:00

And we've made it into our second month!

Our first month made it look so unlikely that our relationship would be 2 months old but I'm truly glad that we hung on =)

We spent the day slacking at Regrets' place. Morning after I'd made the ginko-nut-barley-beancurd-skin dessert for the peeps at Prima, I rushed to his place and slacked for like 10 minutes before he told me he was meeting a friend for breakkie. So I was like 'omg, okay let's go, we're lateeee'

So the 3 of us went to East Coast Food Village..mornings there are really quiet and peaceful..When I grow up, I wanna stay near the beach! XD

After that we went back home and slacked. Watched TV most of the day...Chinese dramas FTW XDDD

I was also cooking the ginko-nut-barley-beancurd-skin dessert at his place. Although, I think this time I cooked it for too long..the barley was giving out a malty taste. But it was good overall. XD

"More beancurd skin please" XDDDD

After that, due to cramps, I went home early..We walked to the interchange (stopped briefly for food - now that just makes it sound like it was a long walk, but to tell it truth it couldn't be any longer for the time I wanted to spend with Regrets) and..well, it was hard.

*gets all emo again* It gets harder and harder each time.

Music

2007-08-20T10:49:00.000+08:00

I love music. I don't think I can live without music. It's part of my life since I was young. And while I wasn't the type to have parents that insisted on me having like, violin, piano, ballet etc etc lessons, I learnt about music from home.

I still remember a time when my grandpa would sit me at the piano in their house and play the piano for me to listen to.

I still remember a time when my dad would always turn to 92.4FM and ask me to identify the different instruments used. He would grunt if I was correct, and correct me if I was wrong.

I'm glad to have learnt music this way. I think I appreciate it much more this way.

Everytime I'm on the MRT on my way to meet up with friends, I have to listen to some music. When I play DotA, there should preferbly be some music in the background. When I study (do I actually study? XD) I need music to block out the rest of the noises of my environment. When I work, I need music to hum to, or else it'll just get all quiet and scary.

I find that music describes me and my feelings. Right now, simply just feeling emo listening to my own blog music. But when I head over to Ren's blog, Franklin's Until You Come Back to Me simply gives me a feel-good vibe that makes me want to start dancing. I feel sexy all over, especially with songs that have a good bass..sort of like, makes me want to curl up with Regrets and sleep.

And when I listen to Bullet For My Valentine, I just get all emo and want to yell out like they do in the song Tears Don't Fall.

Can't live without music, can't breathe without it.

Music explains me.

I will be free

2007-08-16T07:16:00.000+08:00

FREEDOM!

Well, in about 4 hours' time, that is. My exam is at 9am (for which I've only done the online quizzes since my computer is being a bitch and cannot read the PPT files for lecture). 11am it will all end. But then I will leave earlier, because I am TEH MAYA XDD

The past few days have been great. Simply going out to DotA with Regrets gives me a certain kind of pleasure, although we have lost like 3 out of 5 games - due to, obviously, my noobish-ness in playing -random. XDD

I'm still currently emoing, if you're wondering. I keep thinking of the last time I saw him..you could say that the image just surfaces in my mind all the time. I don't know why, but I felt that I should have suspected something was going to be wrong with the way he shrank away from me. Perhaps, knowing that for sure, I should have just called him up the next day, told him that he was bad and then left him. Then it would have not been so heartbreaking.

That aside, 6 more days to Regrets and I de 2nd month. =) And I'm still waiting for Silent Hill to come out, as well as news of UGC'07 XDDDD

Currently listening to Bullet for my Valentine's Tears Don't Fall on FE-san's friendster. I feel like screaming out like in the song (nearly did, then I remembered it's like 7.30 in the morning XDD) so I can get rid of the burden of 'What was wrong with my attitude?'

Would he hold me if he knew my shame?

Happy Birthday to ME~

2007-08-12T10:48:00.000+08:00

SHO EGO~

XDDD

Anyway, my actual birthday of 1008 was quite bad coz actually planned to spend the whole day with Regrets T.T End up I had an..unforseen EXAM on that day, so NO CHOICE.

DAmN. XD

NEVER MIND? I met up with everyone (or..well, most of the people I wanted to come along) on Saturday! Ate mala steamboat at Chinatown..we had really great fun and laughs!

I think my best present this year was Karen's and Liping's jacket =D THANK YOU~

I was pleasantly surprised that HSJ got me a pair of earrings though. And I love the earrings that you guys got for me tooo~~ *eeeeyaahhhh*

After the dinner, went to Bugis to chiong one game of HOTD4. Woo hoo~ Managed to survive through some CLOSE CALLS XD

The XDD was damn bad..LUCKY I came in time to save FE XDD

The Sky-Dragon rush was scary too! T.T

I really enjoyed myself, playing hostess and what not...Thank you all who have made my birthday so fun, so exciting~ =)))))

XDDDD

101th post~

2007-08-08T00:58:00.000+08:00

llalalalalalla

Hopefully can pass FYP!

XD

Wednesday! Delivering cakes + facial + final final FYP presentation + returning of laptops!

FUN!

NOT!

I miss you, Regrets.

!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-08-06T10:44:00.000+08:00

BABY BUNNIES!

OMG?!

SO CUTE?!

EEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Now all I need to do is to treat them like they are Ming vases, get a cage, waterbottle and food for them.

They are like, uber fragile. And I thought MMT3rd was fragile enough. ZZZZZ

So scary. XD

My god.

2007-08-04T12:51:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged in like, forever.

Okay, so the past few days have been..a mix of slacking, work, going to get present for my boss, school work, going out with Regrets, dotAing with Regrets..

So highlights would be like, giving the present to my boss:

Maya: Mr. Bao*, Happy Birthday!!!
Mr. Bao: Eh?
Maya: *thrusts the present at him*
Mr. Bao: *taking the present* hahahaha wow..thanks..you guys shouldn't have..

*names have been changed to protect Mr. Bao's privacy XDD
ehheheheh! +)

Then other highlights would be dotaing at home with Regrets and also meeting up with him for DotA la..

Now just preparing for my birthday party thingy at Chinatown..Thinking of changing this blogskin coz everytime I see Ayashi No Ceres I kind of get emo?

Found a place where I could watch that anime anyway, so I won't be surprised if I suddenly keep getting all emo.

Also because I want a dear friend to come to my birthday party but..I guess he might not be able to make it. T.T I know you're reading my blog, so PLEASE COME...

And also coz it's kind of maddening for me to keep asking my friends to come to my birthday party but some ppl keep saying 'If _____ goes, then I will go'. It's like everything's dependent on this _____ and I'm wondering if I should have just exploded at my good friend with 'SO _____ IS YOUR FRIEND LA, NOT ME?'

I was really that pissed off, you know. 1 person saying the condition was okay, but I'd never expect it from you either.

Well, Regrets, I've learnt my lesson. Next time I will do just that. You guys can't take me for granted anymore.

Aiyah

2007-08-01T08:47:00.000+08:00

Lol..kkk I know I haven't been posting in a loooooooooong time. At least 1 week le...SHOOO BUSY.

I've blogged in TheThirdLane so please check it out for the latest post XDD

Ya, I've been hiding there most of the time...XDDD

XDDD

The tears don't fall

2007-07-21T23:11:00.000+08:00

It's such a small world.

I regret looking at your picture today. It made me think about what happened all over again. But I will stop, if only because of Regrets.

I WILL STOP! I WILL STOP!

No More Sad Songs - Clay Aiken
This is the way,
That i state my independence,
That i'm no longer connected to your memory.

This is the day that i'm making my defection,
gotta claim back the affection that you stole from me.
I used to hear your music so loud
But its so low.
You're just another face in the crowd,
I'm letting you know.

No more sad songs,
I'm letting you go now,
Switched off switched on,
I'm letting you know,
you turned out the light.
I'm gonna be alright when I...
turn the radio on.
No more sad songs.

These are the words to descibe all your offences.
You said love in the past tense
and then you let it go.
Haven't you heard,
You are no longer respected,
you are formally rejected
from the one you hurt.
I used to have the longing to hear
what was in your heart,
But now it seems i'm over the fear of this falling apart.

~

Sunday will mark our 1st month together le XD I'm so happy =)

Saturday didn't enjoy my morning at all. Had to rush to school to do FYP then went to work T.T

argghhh

SO BUSY

I can only hope that on my birthday, i'll be free~

Apart from the exams, that is.

FREEDOM~

So long..

2007-07-20T18:44:00.000+08:00

...It's been so long since I updated.

Really quite pissed at school, even though I secretly beg for release from FYP. Just fail me, but spare the rest.

I really don't know what I've been doing this past month.

Just great sia. One whole month just ran away like this.

That's just me on a really bad procrastinating spree.

Sorry guys.

I wish that I could spend more time with you too, Regrets. I don't regret meeting you though. Sometimes I feel as if I could throw my life away, but I know you would never allow me to do something as stupid as that.

I'm really sorry.

To C.R. who may or may not be reading this: Hi..I was looking at a photo the other day and I thought of you. Maybe this is the reason why I asked you to my birthday party. I hope you will come..maybe we could talk a little, you know? You are a good friend, I don't want to have someone like you being my enemy.

I just don't like it, you know?

"Your tears don't fall

They crash around me

Your conscience calls the guilty to come home"

Wweeeeeee!~~

2007-07-16T10:03:00.000+08:00

Friday: had a great time helping Regrets' bro to cook~ Enjoyed myself thoroughly at his place!

Saturday: Woke up pretty late, went to DotA a bit before I went for work.

Sunday: No work! So after church I went out with my bro, Regrets, FE and Ice to Bugis~ Found a really great bag for my brother, who also found himself some boxers XDD

Terry joined us a bit later. Also met HSJ at the arcade..playing Raiden O.O XDD Then omggg xx1981 turned up la! WTFH turn up also BO JIO de XDD

Haha~ I think it was great that he finally turned up!

This wed FE and I gonna go back Bugis to take a look at the tattoo parlour~ Should be quite busy la, this week.. Haixxx

HIGH HIGH HIGH!

2007-07-12T01:06:00.000+08:00

Wednesday was great, but could have been better if Regrets was with me!

After school I went DBG, got in 1 game of TC4 (it's like OMGGG I have deproved a lot), then went to meet my cousin...EEEEYAHH my photos are really nice and great! After that, went for my facial at FIL @ DBG~

SHIOK. I dozed off and dreamt of..WHO ELSE? XDD

Then after facial, went to Bishan to meet up with FE and Ice...wtfh..the HOTD4 guns are like so damn spoilt. Refunded credits to play OutRun2 classic instead. Then..

HORRORS. FE suddenly had the impulse to play BSL. It was like O.O we spent like 48SGD just to get to the jackpot. zzz hahahahaha so end up we played and then..so many ppl watching. I was so...omg la XDD

After that we went dinner and then walked to Macs to do FE's Flash work..I think the idea is really great la.

ANd that the girl sitting beside us was quite chio XDD Don't be sadded la, Ice-san. XD

Oh well...really had a great time last night~

Still thinking of what to do on my birthday. Mala steamboat, then DotA all the way, anyone?

EEEYAHHH

2007-07-11T10:13:00.000+08:00

I seem to be using that phrase a lot XDD

EEEYAHHH~ But at least I don't sound like Gan Huang Ho or something like that XDD

Sunday was a great day - rushed from church to work..so tired XDD Then Mr. Bao forgot to deliver a cake to a customer..end up I had to send it lor T.T

Couldn't find a cab - I walked half way around Ghim Moh to just hail a cab. I felt kind of kuku to have walked so much carrying a 1.5kg cake.

Then when we reached CCK, I walked halfway around the place looking for the block...when the block was right beside me only T.T again

THEN when I got into the block, I went up to the correct floor, only to find that...the unit wasn't available from that lift.

So I went back down, went to the correct unit area, then ran up the steps (14 flights in all T.T) to get the cake there XDD

AH WELL, that's customer service for you =D

Monday went to meet Regrets and...O.o Joel. XD Instead of DotAing, we went to Regrets' house for a bit for him to bathe (lol poor Joel) and then go DotA. End up, I went with Joel to Centuary Square to play HOTD4 and OutRun2 classic. Regrets went to DotA XDDD

Tuesday saw me back in school~ XDD

Today I'll be going for facial and meeting up with my cousin to get our makeover photos~ After that gonna look for FE and help him with his Flash work, then hopefully we can rape zombies together~

SO BUSY~

Life is great!

2007-07-09T11:39:00.000+08:00

Still thinking about what to do on my birthday~

I do really want to spend time with ALL my friends..listing them in no particular order: the Klique, Regrets, arcade friends, FE-san and Ice-san..I really want to spend all the time I can on my special day with you all!! =DDDD

I was thinking of having a full day celebration, but I wouldn't know where to host it. My house is..probably out, though we all could just sit and talk, you know? But in a way, I want everyone to be together, so that they know who actually makes the girl that is Maya~

Ren was suggesting have to do shift work XDD afternoon with arcade friends, dinner with the Klique, night with Regrets.

Oh and for those who don't know yet, Regrets and I are together yeah =) It's so obvious from the previous blog entries, right? XDDD

WE ARE THE TUTUKUKU COUPLE~ HE'S MY TUTU KUEH, I'M HIS NAIVE KUKU GIRL~ XDD

hahaha...I'm just so happy that my life is so full and contented now~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY~

2007-07-07T11:52:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to Camelia!~

Hehe..so like yesterday, Friday, I was happily in school - OMGGG I got like 78 marks for my SMAD test..2 marks behind the top..I SIAN LA kkk. XDD

N/m..After that, I was thinking, okay, today I be a good girl, I stay for FYP. End up lugging my laptop to school for nothing. T.T So I smsed Regrets and told him that I would have like, the next 5 hours free. Then he asked if I wanted to join him and Avan for DotA and I was like 'sure la, why not?'

I mean, it's such a thinly veiled excuse for him wanting to see me la~

XDD

After we DotAed, we went to his place so that he could change out (seriously, he was perspiring like..like..waterfall, k) and then we both could head to Holland V to meet up with Krazy Klique~ Haha..PIE was like, totally jammed. I should have gotten the taxi uncle to bring us another way XD

N/m, we reached there around...7.45pm, I think. The girls were all there except Lipz (T.T) So we had a very very good dinner! After which, all of us went to Eski and chilled out, giving Camelia her birthday presents~

And OMG they didn't have spoons la, so I ran off to 7-11 to get spoons. But I was so pai seh to ask for spoons outright without buying, so I found Ben's and Jerry's Fossil Fuel icecream at 7-11 so I bought it - lovely flavour XDD I asked the guy for 7 spoons =X

Ah...The time enjoyed with the Klique and Regrets was great man..After everything - hey, I was still sober okay. Regrets was like 'tsk tsk..one cup and you like this le' XDD - we went home la..Regrets sent me home; we went to the playground to just talk again then he had to catch the last train home (which was good, coz this morning it was raining and I didn't want him to like, die of hypothermia or something you know XD)

So off he went after making sure I was in my house la XDD

SO HAPPY~ Really enjoyed my day with all of you~

PICTURES PLEASE~ XDDDD

Finally~

2007-07-05T08:23:00.000+08:00

Finally watched Transformers with Regrets~

Shiok! Loved the movie! Though I think both of us were a tad tired to fully appreciate XDD

Doesn't matter, huh XDD We both enjoyed ourselves very much!

After that, he sent me home - he ate at the coffeeshop once more, then I asked if we could talk awhile at the void deck below my house.

I said some things that kept weighing on my heart for the day..I'm glad we talked about it, you know?

Now that I see someone's msn nick is: "Loving someone, is for fools" I feel so...angry? No, I can never feel anything but a twist in my gut for you le.

*shrugs it off* FRIDAY CAM'S BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION~~~ XIAO LONG BAO BAOS~

Too bad Regrets can't come =(

Love isn't easy, but it sure is hard enough

2007-07-03T10:57:00.000+08:00

How could I start to explain
The feelings when I first talked to you?
It felt like I could learn to feel once more

And then we met each other
Though we did not talk much.
The games we played
The times we shared
All I keep in my heart

Now that we are together
Everyone seems to try to break us apart
Sweetheart:
Love isn't easy, but it sure is hard enough

But I just want to let you know
My love for you is true
Sweetheart, everything's so blurry
Everyone's so fake
But I just want to let you know
Love isn't easy..

But it sure is hard enough

How did it come to be
That you and I must be
Far away from each other every day?
I find myself staring into space
Counting down the hours till I get to see your face

I just want you to know
I would never leave you
It's like
'Till death do us apart'
My dear, dear sweetheart

Love isn't easy...
But it sure is hard enough..

~

I'm planning on making that into a song =X If you guys have noticed, the title is from ABBA's Love isn't Easy, but it sure is hard enough. Certain parts are from Puddle of Mudd's Blurry, Fountain of Wayne's Hey Julie...really feeling emo right now coz it's like, so many things have occured since we started going out together, you know?

And though I don't think you'll ever read my blog coz..of what you said the other day, I just hope one day you'll understand what I mean...

Wow...

2007-07-02T11:00:00.000+08:00

Friday: Spent most of the day feeling so tired yet happy. The usual happened XD Then Regrets sent me to flute @ Clementi..After that, we went to my house so I could take dinner first, then I accompanied him to dinner at the coffee shop near my house. After dinner(s), we went to the playground and just chatted la~

Saturday: Worked morning. SO TIRED! T.T So many customers, even I and Lu Hui couldn't handled. I got Aunty Lay Keng down earlier than I'd originally asked, because seriously, too many customers!! XD

After I got my strawberry cheesecake, I went out to meet Regrets at CCK. I kelong-ed...took the train towards Pasir Ris =X Coz I used to it le la, okay! XDD At CCK met up with his friend; the 3 of us sat there until Regrets suggested I go inside (coz 3 of us looked like we were in a sauna XD). Then I said, okay la..I go in play arcade only.

HORRORS. BLASPHEMY. SACRILIEGE. The TC4 card reader was spoilt T.T So never mind. I saved money coz also, the TC4 was small screen XDD

After that, we went to Yishun to KTV~ Lol..That was really fun memories..Really fun lor..Then went home quite late..around 2am, tio mother scold XDD But we talked till about 4am at the playground coz he didn't want to spend money on cab fare home. *sighs*..

Sunday: worked from 1130 till about 3. Coz I really couldn't take it, was really tired XDD But after that, couldn't resist going out with Regrets again XDD Went to eat Mala Steamboat @ Chinatown with Avan, Eddie, Regrets' bro + GF and Regrets himself la XDD After that I played one game of DotA with them, then I went home XDD

So fun, this weekend...really loved it, and the guy that I hang out with..ah well XDD

Wishing Regrets a HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ Hope that you will no longer have any REGRETS XDD

Introduction

2007-06-28T11:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, Regrets, Ice-san, FE-san and me met up at Bugis (albeit a bit late in the day XD) and we had like, lots of fun! Regrets saw a classic, old-school fighting game so he went off to mash buttons while I was raping zombies with FE-san. While we both OCCed the game, we did not play it very well T.T

After that, Terry came along and we found HSJ busy raping zombies too! Regrets was at the LAN but it seemed like he didn't enjoy it..Sorry wor...

So in the end we all went to eat dinner together. Before we dined, I played 2 rounds of Outrun2sp..1st round nearly completed it T.T but the F50 is kind of hard for me to control T.T

The 2nd time I completed, using Enzo Ferrari. I like the control it gives me, but it feels a bit too hard to feel the turn sometimes, BUT the control is something I really like. I probably will start training with the Enzo now XDD

When Regrets finished his smoke, we walked around Bugis Junction, then I remembered to ask him to pei me to Wallet Shop to find a wallet that he liked.

I BUYING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY MAH!

Then I told him to just let me know which wallet he liked a lot XD He set his eye on this Billabong one, steel-blue-gray with the denim effect..inside can take out a part for holding cards de!! So cute! XDD

So I kept asking him 'You really like this one mah??' Then lucky not too expensive, I brought enough money too~

But of course I not so kuku to buy it in front of him without another guy's opinion la XD

So after dinner, Regrets and I walked around Cold Storage just to relax, coz the rest of the guys took so long to eat finish (all you S.WOLS de la). Then after that we go back arcade to find them. I told Regrets to play 1 more round of his fighting game la, coz actually I wanted excuse to go buy the wallet.

FE-san accompanied me to see the wallet and give opinion la XD I was like 'uhh dunno how to give Regrets leh...' Then he say 'Buy le, you 2 straight go home' coz he knew that I knew that Regrets was a bit bored also.

So okay. I bought the wallet, then we went back to the arcade; I told Regrets after his game we go le la XD

Then he send me home; we talked quite a bit at the playground, then I give him the present lor! XDD

He so funny, said, 'Wah. You really buy arh.' XDDDD Then I said, 'Walau. Scully you on that day get a lot of presents, then who carry for you? Me arh?'

XDD

SO FUN~ I enjoyed my time with all of you guys...And thanks wor, Regrets, for accompanying me the whole day even though you found being at the arcade the whole day a bit of a 'no-life' XDD

Knowledge is Power

2007-06-27T08:20:00.000+08:00

I wish to let everyone who is reading my blog know that you cannot hurt me so easily.

It doesn't matter if you twist the facts, twist the reality, because I will always speak it, simply and truthfully.

It doesn't matter if you imply to others that I was in the wrong, even though I was not.

Because while it all depends on our own point of view, you will one day be exposed. And when day comes, I will make sure nothing is hidden, because you have hurt me enough just by being a coward.

You are a coward and I pity you, because you would never know the feelings I'm experiencing now.

But if there's one thing that makes me extremely angry, is that you try to sour the friendships of the one I am close with. You, being the coward you are, hide behind your lies.

STAND AND DELIVER.

And for the rest who have said my words are rou mah, I pray that you guys will wake up one day, because I realised that THEY ARE MY TRUE FEELINGS.

Some friends you people are. When your friend has a girlfriend, the least you could do is to be happy for him. Yet you call him and read my blog to him, laughing away. What were you thinking, is what I want to know.

Me, I'm simply asking you to

GROW UP.

Or maybe, did you think that since he has been alone for a long time, this relationship is doomed to failure? It is hard enough without trying to please you all; shouldn't you support him?

Oh noes. Did you think that because he isn't good looking, no girl can like him? THEN YOU ARE SERIOUSLY WRONG. His girlfriend loves him, a hell lot (sorry Karen, but it IS true and I cannot hide it), even though there are many things that keep coming in between them - life, work, school, parents and friends. Worst of all is that the 'friends' component is PART OF WHAT IS MAKING THEIR RELATIONSHIP SO DIFFICULT.

Some friends you have, my friend. Instead of being happy for you, they make fun of the girl, they listen to her ex, and they turn against you..

~

Ah well, I've ranted enough. Today going out with Regrets, Ice-san and FE-san..yay! All 3 bodyguards XDDD

!!!!!

2007-06-26T12:17:00.001+08:00

Monday went to school to KELONG and find out that there isn't any school coz is MST week. SIAN.

So I go DBG wait for Regrets to come down too (he got a client to meet @ DBG ma)..played 2 games of TC4 there..Sux la..now TC4 is right beside WCCF, near a corner, but the music all that still quite distracting, especially WCCF's beep-beep-beep when the players mash the buttons XDD

So never mind la..I played 1 warm up game, then another when Regrets came (he say he wanna watch mah, so I play la) 2nd game was 100k better than the first but quite kelong XD

Then we go walk around PS while waiting for his client. When his client came we all talked and went to KFC to settle the signing of the documents..I just listened mostly, but I also help to calculate the costs and explain some of the things la~

Still remembered 1 line he said about me!! XDDDDDD

Then after that he send me home (he actually wanted to bring me to eat Korean hotplate but it was quite late) and we ate at my house's Kopitiam..chatted a lot during the course of the day...ah so contented!

XD

Wednesday meeting up with Regrets, Ice-san and FE-san. XDD Will definitely blog about it!

...

2007-06-24T21:37:00.000+08:00

Okay, so since like everyone said my last blog entry was so ROU MAH..my only reply is that it's my blog, it's my opinion, it's my life. To me it isn't mushy, or RM, but a vague expression of how I feel, felt..whatever.

Right now I don't know if you're really angry at me. I hope not, because I didn't mean to compare you to him. I guess if you want to go, then you're free to go - since that what you've been saying to me too.

I'm sorry...

Attraction

2007-06-23T13:53:00.000+08:00

I feel so comfortable with you..even our silences are contented pauses.

We never ran out of things to talk about yesterday.

I feel so contented with you.

I think I like you very much.

I want to know more about you.

And already I miss talking to you.

I can't explain this attraction.

I simply..like you.

~

Yesterday, 22nd June 2007..was wonderful. It's the first time I could hold a conversation with a guy for so long. And it was...like a date XDD I'm grateful to you for drawing me out..

I hope next time we meet up we can talk for a bit again..I just hope I don't make the same mistakes with you again..

Now what?

2007-06-22T01:00:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to do..I feel like, right now, I'm simply existing, not even living a life.

However, yesterday I met up with Legary, Regrets, YQ and her BF, and Avan..chiong dota, ondeh ondeh and mini choc eclairs..w00tz man..

So now..after what I know..it was perhaps better that I didn't know about it though..

My life's a wreck now..

What problem did you find with me? What was wrong with my attitude? Couldn't you not even tell me?

OMGG

2007-06-16T23:45:00.000+08:00

Haven't been updating the past few days..I'm not gonna bother to blog about my Malacca trip because it was just too boring...Not really worth remembering or mentioning...

The past few days have been a frenzy of lazing around, DotA (until 4am in the morning with Legary and Regrets), TC4 (not too good...7.29m with balanced time and accuracy), Fantastic 4, HOTD4 training (solo and tag)..

Lazing around - need I explain? Have been going to work too la XDD

DotA - Rawking! Played with Legary and Regrets till 4am on Friday night..w00tz..fell asleep while owning siak =X

TC4 - *shrugs* played @ DBG before the 4 of us went to watch F4 XDD

F4 - WAS GREAT~ I think it was damn sad lor...T.T

HOTD4 training - trained tag with FE @ Suntec for 2+ games..OCCed both times and with so-so scores...We'll be training even more! Even though it's only for FE-san to show off to the XMMs and to get their number =X

Guess that's all in my life right now..next week gonna be working like mad..hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in some time to meet up with Terry (train TC4), FE-san (train HOTD4), Legary + Regrets (train ambush-escaping with ondeh ondeh as well as to DotA)

And maybe I'd still have enough time to mope, groan and moan about how I didn't get that cute guy's number (even though you did offer, FE-san, for which I'm grateful XD)

Ah well. Time to get a blog ready~

I'm back!

2007-06-11T13:31:00.000+08:00

ME IS BACK FROM MALACCA!!

Will be bloggin about it soon..now I getting ready for facial le =X XDDDD

So glad to be back from that resort, which has a really tiny arcade...The only shooting games I found there were TC1, 2x GunBlade, and a GunBullet machine if I remember correctly..SO BORING..!

But I made up for my boredom by playing Paintball (hell fun!) and archery~

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Apart from that, I really missed you guys =)

Ice skating!

2007-06-07T12:21:00.000+08:00

Weeeeee!

Yesterday, Wednesday, went JEC to check if there's a CnC3 competition - not that I was good enough to play. Just checking it out for Ice-san XD

End up, DUN HAVE..totally like sadded la. So I went to ice-skate from 1-5 like that, waiting for Ice-san to finish school, go home change and then meet at JEC XD

After we met up, we went to watch all the XDDs (Xiao Di Di-s) play CnC3...one of them queued up like 30 flame tanks and then rushed them from his corner of the map to the other corner (NOD campaign)...all died.

zzzz then when he won, he go start another campaign. Ice-san and I SIAN LOR, then we go up to Zone X there, wanting to play TC4 - end up the card reader not working, and the ppl take so long to come and repair, I said 'never mind, we tag HOTD4'

Okay! Finally OCC~ even though is with Ice-san la~ ^.^ Very happy!

After that, we chiong downstairs..heng I saw one seat open, I rush and sit down on it coz Ice-san on the phone. Then he tried his Scrin clear strat XDDDD

After all that, we went to meet his friends at library, then had dinner (hahahahah the aunty forgot my teh-peng...) and then went back to JEC to play a bit more. Got a new guy on the scoreboards...YH. dunno who he is..but I sian when I saw I got 3rd lor...sian sian sian. N/m. While I playing, Ice-san DW hotd4! gj man..apart from the bugs all that... XDDD

Anyway, you stole my crowd la.

XDDDD

Then I rush to Popular to get my headphones...HENG I got the very last set...I was searching and searching...all is Skype sets lar (all with mics de..I didnt' want that type..) FINALLY found the ones I wanted...so heng~

Hee~ Going to Afamosa tomorrow~ So exciting...not...XD

Won't be blogging for the next few days but I'll try if they have an Internet connection! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ All take care, okay!!

Fun @ Ikea~!

2007-06-06T07:45:00.000+08:00

Well, yesterday, we had fun @ Ikea Queensway~

Junnie, Pei Shan, Desmond, Stevanus, Suraj, Alwin and me went after school to Ikea in Desmond's van (happy sliding fun times!) to eat the delicious meatballs...

I missed hanging out in a group like that..T.T We exchanged a lot of jokes, a lot of coarse remarks about the food, although it was superb! After which we went UMD hunting at Queensway...I didn't bring enough money so we just looked around and around..and around..and around..

Saw a lot of nice clothes, and finally found a game shop (though not the one that my brother's friend recommended XD)...went home empty coz I just didn't bring enough money, and I couldn't use Nets coz I didn't put money into my bank account XDD

Ah well..It was fun! I enjoyed my time XD Today will be going ice skating after school..hopefully Ice-san finishes school early and then can join me la~ =X Then we'll be going to his CnC3 competition..rock on!!

PARRRTAAYYYY

2007-06-05T09:10:00.000+08:00

And so, I didn't make the cut for the DotA team..Feeling glad and strangely dissatisfied at the same time XDD

I guess, LR is a really bad choice to play in Draft matches..first thing everyone aim me T.T

Oh well..it was cheap fun for..3 hours and 20 minutes..$5 XDD

Before I met up with GongZu and the rest, I was at DBG TC4 P1 (I mean, it's like, typical, right? I couldn't possibly be around DBG without actually heading into Zone X to PLAY TC4..right??) Had a better score (I'm inclined to think it's because it's a better gun, though the pedal was really bad and loose) so I was quite happy XDD At the same time felt quite sad coz..not many games are at DBG le..now it all looking so empty! T.T

Humph. So like, it's decided la. Party at Ice-san's house next weekend!!!! XDD I'll be bringing my guinea pig there, coz I don't trust my brothers to remember to feed it..

Date: 15th to 17th (FE and I going 1 day early to settle stuff)

Venue: Ice-san's house

So things to bring to the stayover:

Guinea pig - I wonder how I'll bring such a big cage to Ice's house..got space mah..
Guinea pig food
Me!!
PSP - and all the other paraphenalia
HDD - to kope stuff from everyone XD
Clothes enough for 5 days
Bath towel
Face towel
Toiletries

toothbrush
toothpaste (wanna share, anyone?)
pads (hopefully no more period le la!)
comb
hair band
hair ties
soap (I bringing bar soap - can share, as long as you guys wash it clean after you use it)
shampoo
conditioner

Money (estimated costs) - total: 125 -- bringing about 50, dumping 300 in bank

10 for movie - Fantastic 4 and the Silver Surfer!
40 for food - for all meals, all days
30 for BBQ - hopefully got, can share~
20 for drinks (eh-heh-heh-heh-heh..)
10 for transport (just in case)
15 for gifts

Then the rest, I dunno what else to bring le XDDD

Anyway..this coming weekend, 8th to 10th, I won't be in SG! I think we're going to Malacca...I'm not really sure, I don't really care anyway XDD

I JUST WANNA TRAIN MY HOTD4 NOW. NOW NOW NOW!

Hrm.

I JUST WANNA TRAIN MY TC4 NOW. NOW NOW NOW!!!

Wonder if I can run back to Ghim Moh to get hot waffles for everyone...mmmm..waffles...I haven't eaten you guys in like...forever...mmm...Waffles..with chocolate sundae syrup...mmm..

Hopefully I wouldn't need to bring my guinea pig to the party..I just realised I cannot bring him in the small cage - I mean, I could, but then I would need to get Ice-san to fence off a part of his house just for the piggy~

SHHHOOO MAH FAN!!! T.T

Oh well~

Back to Basics

2007-06-04T09:35:00.000+08:00

Back, back, back to basics!

The basics of what? Written in the order as they come to mind...

Basics of shooting games
Basics of button mashing for the PSP
Basics of loving
Basics of DotA
Basics of teamwork
Basics of being a pro at being a noob
Basics of being in a chalet
Basics of being a friend

So far, that's good. The reason why I'm writing this is actually coz I'm going back to the basics of learning DotA soon, hopefully.

Today I will be 'auditioning' for an all-girls team (guys, stop drooling XD) that plays DotA. They are joining CAPL and need one more member, so...I hope I do well!

Cut my hair on Saturday - Oh yes, Saturday. We went to Siam Kitchen at Suntec to celebrate my grandpa's birthday; all of us, and the choir members. Had such a great time, with great god-brothers of brother, with the choir members, with Kong Kong, with Mum, with Ma, with the food, with the children (I feel so old just watching them T.T) etc etc...

I guess the best time was when my bro and I presented the angpow to my grandpa. He look so stunned la, please XDDD

After the celebration, which ended around 5+, I went off to Bugis, intending to find Sifu, Jul-di, Ice and FE. Humph. The HOTD4 machine still not fixed. We all went to National Library to discuss the forums and logos - to a lot of laughter and plenty of 'shh!' XDD I guess we didn't really make much progress, but I guess we ironed out some things like who the forums are for, the T-shirt, the logo...all was very good, I guess.

Then Sifu and Jul-di had to leave early, so we chiong back to Bugis to take dinner. Watery duck porridge!! Yucks~

I went back to the arcade with Ice-san and FE-san. Ice and I played tag-team TC4, while Joel went to watch OR2SP. Halfway through the game, FE-san said bb and went home. Typlo-kor was there all the time ya. XDD

After the tag team game, I took a while to rest and then soloed TC4 as usual. Lousy score. Humph. There were 2 guys that I'd notice were watching me. One stood damn bloody close please? Good thing Ice-san and Typlo-kor were there, they help me stare at the guy and made him siam. I stare at him also. Ice-san told me the guy like wanted to touch me like that, damn pervert la!!!!

>.<>

Never mind. The other guy I talking about is Terry. He was playing TC4 P2 (H) while I was playing TC4 P1 (VH). Not bad, not bad..He can OCC till Final Battle. And I saw his score also not bad - could have ended with a low 5m if he didn't die ya.

Also, Ice-san told me that Terry pointed at me during my game and gave a thumbs-up sign. He also did the same to Typlo-kor and Ice-san when they played their own games la. XDDD

Seriously, he isn't a bad player, just that the gun was seriously giving problems. But I'd like to see him on a VH machine first.

After all that, Ice-san and I went home (haha..thanks man~). It was a good day! I guess everytime I head to the arcade I will be wearing my coat now. I like the attitude that I can pull off with it - anger, angst, darkness, attitude, 'i'm the best there is', 'take it or leave it'...the essential core of Maya that is lost everytime she lets someone into her heart.

Next goal for TC4:

2 hands, 2 guns;
2 feet, 2 pedals;
1 brain, 2 hemispheres;
2 hemispheres, 1 mind.

Retain the essential insanity that is Maya.

I feel..something now. I now know I can start to feel again, I can start loving my friends again. Sorry for all the times in the past 2 weeks when I have not taken care and loved all of you...

Like what Ren said...I must be selfish at times even though I sell buns..