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"We sail within a vast sphere, ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end."
-Blaise Pascal
-Blaise Pascal
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Fragile heart
Fragile crystal heart
Shatter not, shatter not
Though the lies, minor they be
They cut, to the core, me.
~
If it was a lie to get back your cards, I don't know why you couldn't just tell me the truth. I'm already walking on such thin ice, and sometimes it feels like I'm falling into the watery depths with you.
I have been so honest with you; I don't know who to believe now, you or them. Find a reason for me to never doubt you...tell me if it's true or not, about your cards...tell me if those words you said to me were true.
Because, my darling, I don't want to doubt you, not now, not ever again, not forever.
Your actions tell me one thing, and our friends tell me the same damn thing. I never want to stop this feeling; it makes my heart race, and I hope that we can be honest with each other.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Emo-tions
He said yes in reply to one of my frank questions. Now it makes me think..
No, I love myself the way I am, and I will not change..
~
On a happier note:
i like your attitude..maybe it's because we can relate to each other~
=) well, i think it's because we both strive to be the best in what we do...some people are content with what they have, but not us
i totally agree...this is for people who wants to succeed..like us
~
A lot of work with little rest.
My fingers bleed, my hair's a mess.
Eyes half-closed, words a mumbling
I stumble around like a zombie
~
Hope that by Thursday I'll still have strength to go dance DDR well XD
Friday, February 22, 2008
This is my destiny
It makes my heart race.
Yu Sheng, Chicken Rice and Valentine's
Valentine's was really..cute. One thing I remembered was that Rusco's '大哥' grabbed him by the arm - it looked really absurd, seeing that '大哥' was..shorter than me - and asked me if Rusco had given me a flower. When I said no, '大哥' asked if I wanted him to be beaten up, then I was like 'huh? no no no no no no no no no' XD
After that, 大哥 told Rusco that he'd better buy me a flower, else I should tell him, and then he'll beat Rusco up XD
Then we walked around Orchard..basically walked from Meritus till Orchard Hotel..Along the way, we saw a lot of nice flowers and sweet cars. I was joking that I should pick one of the flowers and pose with it so that the next day, Rusco could 'prove' that he'd given me a flower XD
~
The other night, Rusco asked me if I wanted to have yu sheng. I was like, thinking to myself if we were gonna have it with his friends..Quite surprised that it was gonna be just the both of us =)
So he was like 'we need chopsticks', and I was like 'hmm, let's go Cheers and get'..Ended up we walked to the skate park bus stop (I wonder why, considering that I could take a bus home from the bus stop right across Cine, in front of the Kopitiam...lol) and went to my place to get chopsticks.
A few seconds after we sat down, he smelt the distinctive yu sheng plum sauce smell. I smelt it a few seconds after he did =/ Really bad news..entire container of plum sauce like, spilled in his bag la. Plus the plum sauce was already mixed with oil..sweet and oily combination == bad!
So I told him that it was pretty much GG by then, and that he should come my house so we could clean out his bag..Lo hei-ed at my place..It was really yummy, with the *ahem* and the *ahem* bits..Quite a pleasant surprise =)
~
I love Rusco's chicken rice's rice. It's not too oily (some places make the rice really oily) and it's chewy, yet you can feel each grain on your tongue. The texture is really different from what we get from the hawker centre XD
However, to eat this chicken rice, we had to do a little sneaking around..
@Rusco: This is why I call you Kukumalu...you very cute leh. Never bring bag, but ta pao chicken rice for me, and cannot bring out of the kitchen -.-''' If I was tall enough, I'd hit you on the head man...
So we had to stuff the chicken rice into my bag. I went up to the 5th floor, met him at the service corridor and put everything in (spoiling the zipper on my bag at the same time but MEH...8SGD bag..can't expect much XD). I acted like a guest of the hotel XD Finally we got out of the hotel ya..lolol..
It's just..really cute of him =) And I'm grateful. The soup was great too, as well as the cute whachamacallit..er...like, crispy towgay XD
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Trust
"i'm scared. i once had a relationship where the guy left me after.... i need to know..if you and i, will turn out like this"
"no i won't let this happen...once i have sumbody i will not let her go"
I trust you; I really do. And with this trust, all my wishes and desires come to life...
And maybe, this time I can really soar..
~
The things you said to me on Monday night..no one has told me these before..i'm grateful..and sorry that it caused a barrier to go up..
But I've never heard another tell me such stuff before...thank you..
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Projects
Project Stock
Start: 10 Feb 2008
End: 10 Feb 2008
Status: Completed and continued with Project Setting
Project Setting
Start: 11 Feb 2008
End: 11 Feb 2008
Status: Completed
Project Racing Hearts
Start: 16th Feb 2008
End: ???
Status: Remove card sticker; train tag
Project Racing Devil
Start: 11 Feb 2008
End: None
Status: Ongoing. I will improve myself...I will not fail you guys.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Deja Vu and Fear
Why does it feel like May '07 again?
Will he be different? Only time will tell.
I'm so afraid of being hurt again; is it best to concentrate on my project? Why do I always love my arcade game more than people? I'm willing to put aside friends, family and -people- just for the arcade game. I thought I've put this character behind me when I ended my TC4 career, but now it seems it has resurfaced. Old ghosts, suspicions and fears have come back to haunt me.
I've become a freak.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Fried Mars Bars, Couple Colour..
Like I was saying, how it started was 2 weeks ago.
I was at DBG around 2-3pm, didn't have lunch, didn't have breakfast. Then the other guys came..K.L, Rusco, XPS..the guys, you know. Then I was really really feeling hungry, so I started asking everyone if they wanted me to get them anything.
BearZ told Rusco, "Why don't you go with her?" I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a thrill snaking down my back..lol. But I didn't know if BearZ knew; didn't even know that Rusco liked me at that point in time..didn't even know if he did, anyway.
So off we went; I was looking longingly at the fried mars bars, but..as quoted from my signature: "To transform Maya into HyperMaya, feed her Double Choc Chip cookies, or Fried Mars Bars with Chocolate Syrup and Ice Cream" So I didn't really..want to get high yet.
Rusco and I went around Carrefour; bought sushi, drinks, then went down to KFC to get BearZ's whipped potato. On the way back to the arcade at DBG, we went past Chippy's again, and this time the queue was shorter; Rusco went to get FMBars, and I was like...hmm..upsize ba, then we share lor"
So we ate at a corner before heading back to the arcade..to me it's like..pretty normal, but I also felt a bit..er..well, just..curiously happy sort of stuff.
Ah well. That's how it started, to me, at least. XD
Then there was another day when I'd renewed my MT3 card and changed the colour to sky blue with red and yellow flames XD At that point in time, I didn't know that Rusco's car colour was also sky blue..exact same shade, etc etc.
When the 4 of us played the other day @ Bugis, BearZ was yelling "couple colour!!!" I was like wtf? Lol..I guess I should have seen it earlier XD
XD *does a little dance around thingy~*
Racing Hearts
And..today. 6th Feb 2008, 1700-1800.
Is a very..cute day.
Came home from work, feeling quite..pissed that I was supposed to stay at home for reunion dinner - had my evening and night planned out..I'd go Bugis, race, win, lose, cry - but either way, I'd see him.
He's not -that- hard to miss, anyway.
But no, reunion dinner was of course, more important.
So 2pm, I was at home, slacking, eating, thinking, checking forums. And then BearZ called me around 3pm.
"Maya, come down to DBG now....Rusco is here"
I mean, of course my 6th sense was yelling at me "CONFESSION, OMG"..duh. But wth, I rushed down. I actually panicked - I even lost my keys in the process -.-''' Spent like 10 minutes looking for it, when it was right beside my pillow.
When I got there, Rusco was not at DBG - I was so.."Heng arhh~" And went off to play Solitaire, since I didn't want..to be there..yet.
BearZ told me he was hiding in the toilet. I don't blame him. My heart would be jumping if it had legs - it was already pumping so fast. And then when he came back - I actually turned and saw him - I quickly turned back to my game and tried to concentrate. In all honesty, I was going "OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG" in my mind and..failed miserably at the game...TWICE in a row..which has never happened before -.-'''
So when BearZ came over and told me "He's here. You want to come with me or not....You don't come with me, I show him your sms...see, you cannot concentrate right...Come la"
He, being so persuasive, and me failing terribly at the game..So I went over to the Wangan machines. Awkwardness time. Rusco and I just sat near each other with the guys prodding him on. We talked a little, but it was about overhauling of engines and etc. We leaned in close to each other...accidentally-on-purpose, that's my guess XD Finally when we really had to go, he asked me "Hey, you wanna go take a walk?" then I was like "omg omg omg omg he's gonna confess then I'm gonna confess then we'll be like omg omg omg omg omg omg omg"
XD No such thing as 'confess' happened though. We walked around PS level 1 and 2; kept bumping into each other..like a couple, but not holding hands and stuff, you know..it was really, really sweet =)
Then Rusco asked "How you going home?", replied, "Bus, across the street". "Walk you there?" "Okie" XD
I was praying so hard that 111 wouldn't come any time soon - even though I knew he had to go off with his parents for dinner as well. I mean..it was my last chance to tell him that I really really liked him and wanted to go out with him..you know, that kind of thing.
Then he looked over my head (he's tall -.-''') and said, "Isn't that 111?" then I turned to look and said at the same time "yeah, it's 111, but I not gonna take it.." coz the traffic light didn't look like it was gonna turn red any time soon. Who knew just as I finished saying the above, the traffic light turned amber, then red, and 111 stopped just before the traffic light.
"Omg. Now I have to take it le." I can't believe I actually said that out loud!!! OMG!
Never mind, we crossed the road and when the bus finally pulled into the bus bay, he said, "Hey..sms me okay?" Then he leaned down and hugged me!!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!
I'm so grateful to BearZ and Gay^K for being matchmakers XD
It's a day to remember XD I'll blog about how it all started out when I'm done with reunion dinner XD
Fragile heart
Fragile crystal heart
Shatter not, shatter not
Though the lies, minor they be
They cut, to the core, me.
~
If it was a lie to get back your cards, I don't know why you couldn't just tell me the truth. I'm already walking on such thin ice, and sometimes it feels like I'm falling into the watery depths with you.
I have been so honest with you; I don't know who to believe now, you or them. Find a reason for me to never doubt you...tell me if it's true or not, about your cards...tell me if those words you said to me were true.
Because, my darling, I don't want to doubt you, not now, not ever again, not forever.
Your actions tell me one thing, and our friends tell me the same damn thing. I never want to stop this feeling; it makes my heart race, and I hope that we can be honest with each other.
bounced at 12:53 AM.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Emo-tions
He said yes in reply to one of my frank questions. Now it makes me think..
No, I love myself the way I am, and I will not change..
~
On a happier note:
i like your attitude..maybe it's because we can relate to each other~
=) well, i think it's because we both strive to be the best in what we do...some people are content with what they have, but not us
i totally agree...this is for people who wants to succeed..like us
~
A lot of work with little rest.
My fingers bleed, my hair's a mess.
Eyes half-closed, words a mumbling
I stumble around like a zombie
~
Hope that by Thursday I'll still have strength to go dance DDR well XD
bounced at 1:14 AM.
Friday, February 22, 2008
This is my destiny
It makes my heart race.
bounced at 11:40 AM.
Yu Sheng, Chicken Rice and Valentine's
Valentine's was really..cute. One thing I remembered was that Rusco's '大哥' grabbed him by the arm - it looked really absurd, seeing that '大哥' was..shorter than me - and asked me if Rusco had given me a flower. When I said no, '大哥' asked if I wanted him to be beaten up, then I was like 'huh? no no no no no no no no no' XD
After that, 大哥 told Rusco that he'd better buy me a flower, else I should tell him, and then he'll beat Rusco up XD
Then we walked around Orchard..basically walked from Meritus till Orchard Hotel..Along the way, we saw a lot of nice flowers and sweet cars. I was joking that I should pick one of the flowers and pose with it so that the next day, Rusco could 'prove' that he'd given me a flower XD
~
The other night, Rusco asked me if I wanted to have yu sheng. I was like, thinking to myself if we were gonna have it with his friends..Quite surprised that it was gonna be just the both of us =)
So he was like 'we need chopsticks', and I was like 'hmm, let's go Cheers and get'..Ended up we walked to the skate park bus stop (I wonder why, considering that I could take a bus home from the bus stop right across Cine, in front of the Kopitiam...lol) and went to my place to get chopsticks.
A few seconds after we sat down, he smelt the distinctive yu sheng plum sauce smell. I smelt it a few seconds after he did =/ Really bad news..entire container of plum sauce like, spilled in his bag la. Plus the plum sauce was already mixed with oil..sweet and oily combination == bad!
So I told him that it was pretty much GG by then, and that he should come my house so we could clean out his bag..Lo hei-ed at my place..It was really yummy, with the *ahem* and the *ahem* bits..Quite a pleasant surprise =)
~
I love Rusco's chicken rice's rice. It's not too oily (some places make the rice really oily) and it's chewy, yet you can feel each grain on your tongue. The texture is really different from what we get from the hawker centre XD
However, to eat this chicken rice, we had to do a little sneaking around..
@Rusco: This is why I call you Kukumalu...you very cute leh. Never bring bag, but ta pao chicken rice for me, and cannot bring out of the kitchen -.-''' If I was tall enough, I'd hit you on the head man...
So we had to stuff the chicken rice into my bag. I went up to the 5th floor, met him at the service corridor and put everything in (spoiling the zipper on my bag at the same time but MEH...8SGD bag..can't expect much XD). I acted like a guest of the hotel XD Finally we got out of the hotel ya..lolol..
It's just..really cute of him =) And I'm grateful. The soup was great too, as well as the cute whachamacallit..er...like, crispy towgay XD
bounced at 12:34 AM.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Trust
"i'm scared. i once had a relationship where the guy left me after.... i need to know..if you and i, will turn out like this"
"no i won't let this happen...once i have sumbody i will not let her go"
I trust you; I really do. And with this trust, all my wishes and desires come to life...
And maybe, this time I can really soar..
~
The things you said to me on Monday night..no one has told me these before..i'm grateful..and sorry that it caused a barrier to go up..
But I've never heard another tell me such stuff before...thank you..
bounced at 1:38 AM.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Projects
Project Stock
Start: 10 Feb 2008
End: 10 Feb 2008
Status: Completed and continued with Project Setting
Project Setting
Start: 11 Feb 2008
End: 11 Feb 2008
Status: Completed
Project Racing Hearts
Start: 16th Feb 2008
End: ???
Status: Remove card sticker; train tag
Project Racing Devil
Start: 11 Feb 2008
End: None
Status: Ongoing. I will improve myself...I will not fail you guys.
bounced at 11:42 PM.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Deja Vu and Fear
Why does it feel like May '07 again?
Will he be different? Only time will tell.
I'm so afraid of being hurt again; is it best to concentrate on my project? Why do I always love my arcade game more than people? I'm willing to put aside friends, family and -people- just for the arcade game. I thought I've put this character behind me when I ended my TC4 career, but now it seems it has resurfaced. Old ghosts, suspicions and fears have come back to haunt me.
I've become a freak.
bounced at 5:38 PM.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Fried Mars Bars, Couple Colour..
Like I was saying, how it started was 2 weeks ago.
I was at DBG around 2-3pm, didn't have lunch, didn't have breakfast. Then the other guys came..K.L, Rusco, XPS..the guys, you know. Then I was really really feeling hungry, so I started asking everyone if they wanted me to get them anything.
BearZ told Rusco, "Why don't you go with her?" I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a thrill snaking down my back..lol. But I didn't know if BearZ knew; didn't even know that Rusco liked me at that point in time..didn't even know if he did, anyway.
So off we went; I was looking longingly at the fried mars bars, but..as quoted from my signature: "To transform Maya into HyperMaya, feed her Double Choc Chip cookies, or Fried Mars Bars with Chocolate Syrup and Ice Cream" So I didn't really..want to get high yet.
Rusco and I went around Carrefour; bought sushi, drinks, then went down to KFC to get BearZ's whipped potato. On the way back to the arcade at DBG, we went past Chippy's again, and this time the queue was shorter; Rusco went to get FMBars, and I was like...hmm..upsize ba, then we share lor"
So we ate at a corner before heading back to the arcade..to me it's like..pretty normal, but I also felt a bit..er..well, just..curiously happy sort of stuff.
Ah well. That's how it started, to me, at least. XD
Then there was another day when I'd renewed my MT3 card and changed the colour to sky blue with red and yellow flames XD At that point in time, I didn't know that Rusco's car colour was also sky blue..exact same shade, etc etc.
When the 4 of us played the other day @ Bugis, BearZ was yelling "couple colour!!!" I was like wtf? Lol..I guess I should have seen it earlier XD
XD *does a little dance around thingy~*
bounced at 7:58 PM.
Racing Hearts
And..today. 6th Feb 2008, 1700-1800.
Is a very..cute day.
Came home from work, feeling quite..pissed that I was supposed to stay at home for reunion dinner - had my evening and night planned out..I'd go Bugis, race, win, lose, cry - but either way, I'd see him.
He's not -that- hard to miss, anyway.
But no, reunion dinner was of course, more important.
So 2pm, I was at home, slacking, eating, thinking, checking forums. And then BearZ called me around 3pm.
"Maya, come down to DBG now....Rusco is here"
I mean, of course my 6th sense was yelling at me "CONFESSION, OMG"..duh. But wth, I rushed down. I actually panicked - I even lost my keys in the process -.-''' Spent like 10 minutes looking for it, when it was right beside my pillow.
When I got there, Rusco was not at DBG - I was so.."Heng arhh~" And went off to play Solitaire, since I didn't want..to be there..yet.
BearZ told me he was hiding in the toilet. I don't blame him. My heart would be jumping if it had legs - it was already pumping so fast. And then when he came back - I actually turned and saw him - I quickly turned back to my game and tried to concentrate. In all honesty, I was going "OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG" in my mind and..failed miserably at the game...TWICE in a row..which has never happened before -.-'''
So when BearZ came over and told me "He's here. You want to come with me or not....You don't come with me, I show him your sms...see, you cannot concentrate right...Come la"
He, being so persuasive, and me failing terribly at the game..So I went over to the Wangan machines. Awkwardness time. Rusco and I just sat near each other with the guys prodding him on. We talked a little, but it was about overhauling of engines and etc. We leaned in close to each other...accidentally-on-purpose, that's my guess XD Finally when we really had to go, he asked me "Hey, you wanna go take a walk?" then I was like "omg omg omg omg he's gonna confess then I'm gonna confess then we'll be like omg omg omg omg omg omg omg"
XD No such thing as 'confess' happened though. We walked around PS level 1 and 2; kept bumping into each other..like a couple, but not holding hands and stuff, you know..it was really, really sweet =)
Then Rusco asked "How you going home?", replied, "Bus, across the street". "Walk you there?" "Okie" XD
I was praying so hard that 111 wouldn't come any time soon - even though I knew he had to go off with his parents for dinner as well. I mean..it was my last chance to tell him that I really really liked him and wanted to go out with him..you know, that kind of thing.
Then he looked over my head (he's tall -.-''') and said, "Isn't that 111?" then I turned to look and said at the same time "yeah, it's 111, but I not gonna take it.." coz the traffic light didn't look like it was gonna turn red any time soon. Who knew just as I finished saying the above, the traffic light turned amber, then red, and 111 stopped just before the traffic light.
"Omg. Now I have to take it le." I can't believe I actually said that out loud!!! OMG!
Never mind, we crossed the road and when the bus finally pulled into the bus bay, he said, "Hey..sms me okay?" Then he leaned down and hugged me!!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!
I'm so grateful to BearZ and Gay^K for being matchmakers XD
It's a day to remember XD I'll blog about how it all started out when I'm done with reunion dinner XD
bounced at 6:14 PM.
The Racer
Maya
Leo
Dragon
100888
And I don't want the world to see me
I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Maya
Leo
Dragon
100888
And I don't want the world to see me
I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Strength
Courage, strength, fortitude. Power not arrested in the act of judgement, but passing on to further action, sometimes obstinacy.This is a card of courage and energy.
It represents both the Lion's hot, roaring energy, and the Maiden's steadfast will. The innocent Maiden is unafraid, undaunted, and indomitable. In some cards she opens the lion's mouth, in others she shuts it.
Either way, she proves that inner strength is more powerful than raw physical strength. That forces can be controlled and used to score a victory is very close to the message of the Chariot.
With strength you can control not only the situation, but yourself. It is a card about anger and impulse management, about creative answers, leadership and maintaining one's personal honor. It can also stand for a steadfast friend.
Wishlist
PSP Jewel Door Mod + Skin
Learn to contact juggle professionally
Play DDR well (so that I can lose weight)
Determination in all that I do
Never be hurt again
Be the best at whatever I do
Be happy with what I have
Bluetooth headphones
A good laptop bag (preferbly Crumpler =X)
Likes
Racing
DotA
Arcade games
Hanging out
+designed by jenqi 2005 copyright+
links
Archives
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
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October 2007
November 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
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July 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
Archives
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
projects
Project Racing Devil
Start: 11 Feb 2008
End: None
Description: Constantly improve myself
Status: Ongoing. I will improve myself...I will not fail you guys
Project SSS
Start: 16th March 2008
End: Tentative mid 2009
Description: Being the first, one and only is really tempting. And then there are my personal reasons..
Project Tuning Gay
Start: End 2008
End: ???
Description: Complete dress-up
Status: Got my card liao..time for dress-up
Project Racing Hearts 2
Start: 20th Feb 2008
End: 29th Feb 2008
Description: FT car, complete dress-up and *ahem*
Status: Completed
Project Racing Hearts 1
Start: 16th Feb 2008
End: 16th Feb 2008
Description: Change car appearance to look identical
Status: Completed
Project Setting
Start: 11 Feb 2008
End: 11 Feb 2008
Description: Change parts as needed
Status: Completed
Project Stock
Start: 10 Feb 2008
End: 10 Feb 2008
Description: Change all parts to stock
Status: Completed
Project Racing Devil
Start: 11 Feb 2008
End: None
Description: Constantly improve myself
Status: Ongoing. I will improve myself...I will not fail you guys
Project SSS
Start: 16th March 2008
End: Tentative mid 2009
Description: Being the first, one and only is really tempting. And then there are my personal reasons..
Project Tuning Gay
Start: End 2008
End: ???
Description: Complete dress-up
Status: Got my card liao..time for dress-up
Project Racing Hearts 2
Start: 20th Feb 2008
End: 29th Feb 2008
Description: FT car, complete dress-up and *ahem*
Status: Completed
Project Racing Hearts 1
Start: 16th Feb 2008
End: 16th Feb 2008
Description: Change car appearance to look identical
Status: Completed
Project Setting
Start: 11 Feb 2008
End: 11 Feb 2008
Description: Change parts as needed
Status: Completed
Project Stock
Start: 10 Feb 2008
End: 10 Feb 2008
Description: Change all parts to stock
Status: Completed