Sunday, March 30, 2008

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

I'm sorry that I hurt you the other day. The words I said, the way I acted - it all was very painful. I should not have said what I said, I should not have done what I'd done, but I could not hold my emotions in.

"It's not just a game to me" - this rings true, and I..feel like quitting Wangan, just because of this.

I must not think too much, yet I must think of my future. So many things that I cannot say, except for a single word..

Sorry.


Sunday, March 23, 2008

Pain

She hurt me, physically and mentally.

Yet the most pain I feel is from her words. How could she say such stuff about me and him, to me?

I don't know if she understands.

I don't hate her. I have to keep my strength for other things, much less hate for her.

I wish, I wish..

..that I didn't have a mother like her.


Monday, March 17, 2008

It's Stress!

Really very stressful to play with Boss and SKP. Sometimes, even playing with others, make me feel really stressed.

Got a bad headache yesterday - too many games in one sitting, with too loud music. Now feeling the after-effects.

Tuesday gonna be eating more stars, else would be running Rusco's Legacy..

My own car is now getting a blog of its own - herbloodsweatandtears.blogspot.com

Waiting to find a nice skin for it. Or I might not even skin it..


Saturday, March 15, 2008

Decisions, decisions

So many things to make up my mind about.

I feel so frustrated. I don't know how...my plans will fall into place, especially now with this last development..but I will.

Don't you worry, my baby.


Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Updates

A lot of updates and rants..but I won't waste my time here...

Friends:
Finally met up with the Klique! Wootz! XD Had a lot of fun, and loved the sushi place. Planning to go back there some day =)) with a lot more friends of course. I realised that I really do enjoy..hanging out with girls, and actually being a girl once again - since I always hang out with guys, I feel more like a guy, rather than a girl.


Wangan:
Finally found the perfect setting. Really really perfect. It's pretty 'stunning' to some people, but I'm thankful that I have 2 crazy sifus that thought of giving me this setting. Really, my car is pure beauty now when it runs. The turns that I previously could not do, now I can; the exit speeds are so high, there is so little loss in speed...I really enjoy racing now.

I have also decided to go for SSS. I hope I will have everyone's suppport. Not only from the guys in Wangan, but also from friends outside of Wangan; I hope that you guys will support me on my low days, because you know as a girl, I do get mood swings.

I talked to Boss the other night. I think..he gave me a lot of advice that I would have heard from Da Ge also. It's interesting and enlightening to listen to a top player, because there I can see my strengths and improve on them; I can see my weaknesses and remove them. I don't need to fear ridicule (because it often happens when I'm with the other guys - but when I'm with Da Ge and the others, I learn a lot more).


Life is really great now. I have cool, great and supportive friends. I have a boyfriend who dotes on me, and I really love him a lot - just because he dotes on me a lot and we race a lot together XD self owning each other all the way and yeah, being the SOC XDD. I have my car - pure beauty. I have Wangan.

I have passion again. And I'm waiting to chiong for SSS now.


Tuesday, March 4, 2008

It's..

..that time of the month again.

No, not my period - coming from an all-girls school gives me a..sense of security in chatting openly about my period during lunch time.

I'm talking about the time of the month just before my period, when my moods step onto the world's largest Viking ship and starts swinging to and fro. One minute I'm enjoying life, and the other you can see me emo-ing and tearing away.

I just thought about GA and FM again - started when I watched a show that reminded me about 'them', or rather their characters and what they did, in particular - and I remember what they've done to me. I feel..strange. They don't deserve my anger - I'm hardly angry with anyone these days (except for that day when XP really tested my patience). I don't have the energy to be angry, I'd rather channel my energy into Wangan.

It's so pressurizing, I hope you would not pressurize me when we race together.

Now I just beat myself up mentally, that I should have been less naive, and seen the warning signs, trusted my sixth sense. This emo-ing will go away soon, and I hope everyone will forgive me.

I hope I would forgive myself in due time. Yet, chaos is the penance for leisure


Monday, March 3, 2008

Burnout

Burnout: Slam on!
Made my first proper slam and cram with lots of help from TCS and Zero*...lol..Thank you guys..XD

2 new projects for Wangan.

~

Burnout: Tired
Felt like a zombie at work yesterday. Head ached, stomach felt really queasy..sigh.

~

I am sorry that I have doubted you. But then, that night made me a little paranoid all over again..

friends:) Ren Lipz K.C. Team BuL7et Nanaca-Crash